I'm a traveller.

Hello!

Remember my "...andthatswhoiam" -posts? They can be found under the tag being myself. I used them as a method of therapy, because I struggled with situations when I had to introduce myself or tell someone about myself. It clearly helped because I actually went to a job interview last Friday!

But I haven't actually shown you all the pictures that I chose from that website last autumn! So now I'm going to tell you a little bit more about myself.

I love travelling. I want to see everything. I feel like the best thing to spend your money on is to travel and see all the different places and meet people who come from different backgrounds than you do. It will widen your views and help you grow as a person. You will get memories that you'll never forget. It will help you become less materialistic and you'll start to appreciate your experiences more.

Travelling has probably always been my favourite thing to do. I'm from a small town, but it does have a travel agency. I used to go there and carry a copy of all of their brochures home. I loved looking at all the pictures and dreaming of all the places I could go to.  Unfortunately, my mum's idea of travelling was to catch a ferry to Sweden, and to stay on it and head back home straight away, without even setting a foot on the ground. Once I was old enough to travel, I cached one of those ferries and went to see what Sweden really looked like.

I'm the exploring kind of traveller. I find it hard to just do what the tourist guide book tells me. I want to find out things myself. I might go to the tourist information to get a map, in case I get lost (which unsurprisingly happens quite a lot), but my favourite activity is to just wander around aimlessly in a new city. I've never been on a beach holiday, because I think I'd find it difficult to just lie there getting burned, when I could be exploring all the suspicious side alleys and getting to know some interesting local people.

Did I ever mention that I'm a big Doctor Who fan? How many TARDIS-themed things have you noticed on my blog? The whole concepts of being able to travel through space and time really fascinates me. There must be more out there. And there is a reason why I ended up with a degree in Archaeology. But I'm stuck in this time and our planet. Which really isn't that bad after all. Exciting things are happening in our time, with all the digitalisation and equality movements. Scary and awful things are happening too, and there are many places I don't even want to travel to at the moment thanks to their political situation. But there's still at least half a planet left which I could and would like to explore.

I strongly believe that understanding the language of the place you travel to helps you get more out of the trip. The more you understand the language the more you understand the culture. And vice versa. Travelling is also the key to learning languages. When you need to find a Burger King in Spain, you suddenly can understand those instructions in Spanish. Or at least I found my way to the Burger King. I also learned to pronounce it the Spanish way.

I've never been to Asia, but I've got really interested in Japanese, Korean and Chinese cultures recently. I thought that Japanese might be the easiest Asian language for me to learn first, so now I've started planning a trip to Japan. It will happen once I feel that I've learned enough Japanese to get the most out of that trip!

I have a funny feeling that the only reason why I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit films is the fact that they are shot in New Zealand. That's one place I would really love to travel to. Originally, I wanted to spend an exchange year there, but it never happened. It's the furthest place on Earth I could travel to, which probably makes it even more exciting.

I have lived in a couple of different countries. I've lived in England and Germany for a month, and in Finland and Scotland for years. All of those countries have a place that feels like a home to me. Sometimes I meet people in Scotland who hear that I'm a foreigner and ask me "so where's home?" They think it's a cunning way to phrase the question: "where are you from?", but I always find it a little bit insulting. Do they mean I'm not welcome here, and want me to go back where I came from? I don't want to go back. I want to find a place I belong. The question is also difficult, because I find Scotland to be my home just as much as Finland is. I'm from Finland but I live here now. And I'm not sure where I want to move next. 

But okay, my home is in Europe. For now at least.

Finnish people don't make friends easily, which is kind of a problem. I have, however, met amazing people from all over the world. I wish I'd find it more natural to open up to people and actually make life-long friends and to stay in touch more.

I've always thought that the best cure for depression is to go travelling. I've never felt sad or depressed while travelling. Everything in this world is just too amazing, to feel depressed. Depression is like being stuck. If you don't realise that you're free to go and do anything, you will feel depressed. If you ever feel suicidal, just sell everything you own and use that money to go travelling. As far as possible, and you might find the reason to live again.

I love learning to get to know this planet. I want to explore my options before I decide where I want to settle down to. I feel that there's no point feeling miserable with my life, if I don't want to go and see how people live elsewhere. Maybe there's a place that is more suitable for me than the place where I'm now? And if not, there's nothing better than that feeling of coming back home.

P.S. Here's a map of the places I've conquered so far.

It's fairly Western Europe centred so far, but I'm working on it.

I pinned these places on the TripAdvisor app on Facebook. And then I mangled it a little bit on Paint, because I hate the way Google Maps stretch the North. Unfortunately this app doesn't have all the places I've been to. I'm especially sad that North Rona is missing. But according to this app, I've visited 17 countries, which is 13% of the world. That sounds like a good start!

I honestly, don't know where I'm going next. But I like to keep my options open.

Confusing labels cause fights!

Hello!

Did you hear that Scotland passed the Equal Marriage law yesterday?! 

Yay, now I can get married! 

Well, almost. Now I would just like Finland to follow this example.

Rainbow flag at our university's societies' building!

Okay, because I wasn't going to go wedding dress shopping right now, I thought I'd write a little rant about a completely different topic. Is this even going to be a rant? Aren't you supposed to be angry at someone when you have a rant? I don't feel angry. And I actually really hope I won't offend anyone. I just want to bring these things up, so that they could be discussed. But this is partly about how people seem to get very offended by everything these days. 

People find it natural to label everything. So I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about labels we have for different genders and sexual orientations.

I got inspired to write this post after I read tau's blog post (in Finnish). She wrote about how very few people know about her pansexuality, because she's in a relationship with a boy, and doesn't really see why she should come out to everyone she meets. She also points out that in order to even talk about her feelings or orientation, she needs to pick a box and stand in it.

And she chose pansexuality. This made me want to write about pansexuality.

Picture from knowhomo.tumblr.com.

Do you know what "pansexual" means?

Does anyone know?

Is pansexuality just the ultimate category for those who got tired of questioning and finally felt that they don't really mind what gender their partners represent? Or is it just a fancy word for bisexuality that some people use to confuse people? Is it a fashion trend?

It could be any of those things, but probably for most pansexuals it's not. It could be a conversation starter. If you ask about their sexual orientation, and they reply pansexual, then they've only told you that gender is not important to them when they are looking for a partner. But you still haven't got an answer to what kind of people they're interested in.

But why do you need to have a label? Why can't people just be people?

I used to label myself pansexual when it was less acceptable for me to just be gay. It was important to have a label, because people would keep asking questions. I'm still bitter that I had to fill a form to university where the options were:

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Lesbian

Gay man

Prefer not to say 

Because back then I had a boyfriend, I felt that I couldn't really tick the lesbian box. I was kind of tempted to claim that I was a gay man just because I didn't see the point for separating "gay men" and "lesbians" when the other groups were grouped together and when there was a separate question for my gender next to it. And I didn't want to choose the last option, because I really preferred to tell them that I was LGBT since they were asking. In the end I answered "bisexual" although I felt that that label didn't really describe me. And later I realised how unfair it was for all the bisexuals that I would even call myself bisexual. 

There's enough biphobia without me jumping around as a bad example. 

"You can't like both genders, they'll all eventually just go back to men/women."

"Bisexuality is just a phase before they come out as gay." 

I don't want to make it worse and just ticked the lesbian box the next time I had to fill the same form. It felt a lot better.

Maybe everyone who identifies as a pansexual has their own definition for the term?

Oh, there are so many different kinds of pans.

Feminine problem: hairiness!

A long time ago I wrote a blog post about surviving womanhood, and all the things I have needed to face after I realised that I'm a woman and that my life is filled with feminine challenges.

These challenges included bras, periods, and hairiness - which is today's topic.

This is an important topic, because it is something that can make people feel very insecure about themselves. It is also something that is very embarrassing to talk about. And because I should face my fears of being embarrassed about everything –  I'm going to write about it!

Hair is a funny thing. Compared to our close relatives, apes, we're not really that hairy.

© Liran Samuni.

But our society likes to make us look even less hairy than we really are. I grew up seeing ads of all sorts of different hair removal products. The hairless female body image was all over the media. No wonder most men believe that women are practically hairless (that's probably the point of all this hair removal business we're engaging ourselves in) and most women believe that they are naturally hairier than other women.

Fortunately, I was never her biggest fan in the first place.

It was all very stressful, when I first hit puberty and thought that I have to shave. In fact, it was so traumatic that I didn't touch a shaver for 10 years after my first shaving attempt. In the meantime I tried out all sorts of different hair removal methods available. I tried waxing which mostly resulted in pain, mess, wax stuck everywhere and hairs still attached to my skin. I tried hair removal mousses that would allow you to scrub the hair of with a sponge or a "bladeless" shaver made out of plastic. Basically the mousse would first somehow corrode the hair so that it would just come of when you wash yourself. Needless to say, it's quite irritating for your skin - especially if you're not quick enough to get it off your skin. In the end, I discovered an epilator which works! It really hurts a couple of the first times you try to plug your hairs off with it, but it's easy after you get used to it. And mostly I enjoy the money I save when I don't have to spend it all on sticky waxes and corrosive mousses.

Hurray, archaeology! (I'm in the photo) © Charlotta Hillerdal.

My interests sometimes take me to places where I get the opportunity to get as hairy as I like and no one will know. It's fantastic.

WARNING! Please do not read any further if you get easily upset about personal things such as hairiness.

After I had grown back all of my body hair, I realised all the benefits this hair had. Well, mostly it kept me warmer in freezing wind and rain. Extra layer of something on: always useful in cold conditions. Suddenly, getting hairy didn't seem so bad at all.

Haisuli!

But I have a secret to tell you: the hair that had started growing on my body was a lot more impressive than it was when I had started hair removal. I don't think it's because I had been removing it, but simply because I am now older. My legs, for example, were hairier than some of my male friends. After that experience, I feel that women are almost as hairy as men. Men have a tendency to get hairier and to grow stronger hair in places that women rarely get that strong hair growth – such as face, back and chest. But women do have hair in those places too. Did you know that threading* places almost always offer an upper lip hair removal service when you get your eyebrows shaped?

 * threading is a method of plugging hair with thread. It's often used for shaping eyebrows.

Last spring, I actually stopped removing my hair for several months. And surprisingly the world didn't end. I had classmates who occasionally talked about hair removal, and for instance, about how disgusting arm pit hair is. I very consciously wore sleeved tops and coloured tights around those people because my self-confidence wasn't quite strong enough to hear anymore about how disgusting they find me than I already had to. 

But apart from that I had no problems doing anything I wanted. I even went to a public swimming pool. And let me tell you: I didn't get kicked out of the pool. No one even looked at my hairly legs or armpits any longer than they did when there was no hair there.

There are actually several posts written by women who have stopped shaving completely. One good one was written by Emer O'Toole in theguardian.com.

This was my favourite bit:

A scene from my life:

Small child: Why do you have hair under your arms?

Me: Because when girls and boys grow up into women and men they grow hair under their arms.

Small child: My mum doesn't have hair under her arms.

Me: She shaves it off.

Small child: She doesn't.

Me: She does. Ask her.

Small child: Mum, do you?

Mother of small child: Yes.

Small child: Why?

Exactly, small child. Exactly.

Should you remove hair? Why?

If you feel like you have good reasons, feel free. But I think it would do our society a lot of good if people who secretly want to be hairy, would just be hairy. It's not disgusting. Being a man increases person's chances of being hairier, but women have the same right to be as hairy as they like. It's also acceptable for men to shave their legs if they want to  –  people should really stop being shocked by it.

Oh, and since I've now talked about hair removal, I want to mention hair in one particular body area that no one ever talks about.

Please stop reading now if you do not want to read about the hair we normally tend to keep in our pants.

Stories from Finland

Hello!

Guess what? I have a new favourite song! I really wanted to share it with you.

This song is by a new Finnish band called Sallan ja Miron matka maailman ympäri, which means “Salla and Miro's trip around the world”. These two young Finns make their own music – Miro composes and writes their songs and Salla sings. Miro also plays instruments and sometimes sings. There are also two other members in the band – the boys, Aku and Aarni sitting on the bench in the video.

For a moment I had thought there was nothing worth listening to coming from Finland these days. My favourite bands had either quit or started a long break. But then I discovered this band! And they haven't even released their first album yet.

I also think that this music video is fantastic. It has all of my favourite things in it! Finnish summer, planes and holding hands. To be fair, I like everything about this video. It's different in an ordinary way, and it's cute and happy!

I don't listen to music very often anymore. And when I do, I mostly just want to hear happy music. I have heard enough angry and depressing music already. I probably could listen to something like that, if I was angry or depressed at the time – but these days I just want to be happy. And it's a lot easier if there is happy music playing in the background.

In this song, Tarinoita - “Stories”, she's singing about how she's not sure if she wants her to tag along. She's asking her to tell stories – and it's irrelevant whether they are true – in order to get to know her better.

She asks three questions:

1. Can you ride a horse?

2. Do you believe in God?

3. Could you save me?

In the end she concludes that it's pointless to beg the world for love or forgiveness – and that she does want her to tag along.

When it's summmer in Finland, I like to sit in a cage with a cat.

Did you like the song?

Snails and bunnies

Hey!

So, moving house happened. Life's looking a lot brighter now! About a week ago we packed our bags and moved to our new place. Instead of broken glass on the street and seagulls screaming outside that we had at the old place, we now see snails on the road outside our house and there are bunnies jumping around in our backyard.

Our fellow resident.

Moving house was really exciting. Unfortunately all of our stuff did not fit into a suitcase. We did a few trips with bags and suitcases, but last weekend I hired a van, so that we could move rest of our stuff. I miss driving. I would like to be able to drive more. Then I might get better at it and stop worrying about it so much. But having a car made moving a lot easier than shifting all of our stuff on a public transport. I'm not an expert house-mover, and I actually kind of hate moving. But it's probably because I have more stuff than I would like to. But I own too many things that I don't want to throw away. Having my own museum would be useful. All the things, I don't actively want to have in my life could go there. Like weird presents and old school books that might come in handy one day.

Waiting for a bus to take us home.

But now when the move is almost done, I like knowing exactly what I have. Some things have gone missing, but I've found things that I didn't know I had. I didn't know I had 10 toothbrushes or chopsticks! Okay, the chopsticks look kind of disposable and I have probably nicked them from a Chinese restaurant when I ended up using a fork and decided that I should really practise using chopsticks at home before I end up in an Asian restaurant the next time. I have since then realised that you can just stab the food with one stick and use the other to pretend that you are eating with them sophisticatedly.

Eating cereal is a lot easier than eating Asian food.

Since moving to the new place, a thought has occurred to me. I realised that some of my headaches and migraines might be caused by my sight. I went to see an optician, and my sight hasn't actually changed too much, but enough to get new glasses. So now I'm going to get new glasses too! My girlfriend thinks they look too hipster. But she's going to get glasses I won't like, so it's all even. That's what relationships are about - compromises and making sure all the feelings are mutual.

I have also been wondering about how I don't know when to come out to people. When should I and when shouldn't I? Does anyone know? Because I am really not sure. 

Is it appropriate to tell strangers that I have a girlfriend? For instance, when an optician asks about my week, is it acceptable to talk about putting furniture together with my girlfriend? For some reason, I feel that she might not want to hear about it – that she might see it as something too private. But if it was a boyfriend I was putting furniture together with, I maybe would not feel that it would be too much information to the poor optician. But why should homosexuality be more private than heterosexuality? And what about when she's just assumed to be my friend? When, for instance, a waiter asks me about “my friend's order”, should I tell them that she's actually my girlfriend? Or would that be rude? Should I just settle for people assuming that I'm out with a friend? I mean, girlfriend is still a friend, right? 

This is probably something that is not only a problem same-sex couples have. – Or at least I hope that people don't assume anymore that when a boy and a girl are seen together that they are automatically a couple. But what do you think?

Individuality, equality and diversity!

Big words, guys. But if I'm going to start talking about things without censoring most of my thoughts, this might be a good topic to start with. And I will without a doubt be coming back to this. I'll just write about individuality today, but all three of these topics are interlinked.

When I was at school we had a photo competition which theme was “individually together”. The concept made sense to me then, and it still does. But unfortunately it does not make sense to everyone and it's very sad. So many people are trying to “fit the crowd” and look “normal”. Do what “society thinks is right” instead of being who they are.

Okay, I must admit that I was never the coolest of kids. And still am not. I mean, I look like this in my holiday photos:

It was a holiday in Lewis in 2010!

And surprise, surprise! I was bullied at school. I never really understood why I got bullied. I didn't really think of it at the time, I just did my best at ignoring it. But then I came across a news paper article where the journalist had interviewed a class and found out what kind of reasons will be used as excuses for bullying.

Here are the reasons they listed:

Wrong clothes. Clothes that are five years old, discount store clothes, charity shop clothes, cartoon character -tops, Gothic style, Lolita style, heavy rocker style, or anything that might make you look gay.

Wrong music. Anything ancient or classical. Church music. Anything that the majority doesn't listen to. Basically you have to listen to bands that are on top10 lists.

Wrong hobbies. Guides, computer games, larping, archery, violin, golf, church clubs, fantasy books, Irish dance, martial arts if you're a girl and ballet, riding or piano if you're a boy. Basically you're not “allowed to” have any “weird” or different hobbies – such as dance if you're a boy.

Wrong ideologies. Religiousness, vegetarianism, or accepting gay rights. Basically you're not allowed to enjoy reading or fantasy. Or have much opinions about anything.

Thank goodness I'm not at school anymore. This explains why I got bullied. I could post pictures of myself doing all of those things “wrong”, but I probably don't have to. And I'm glad I did. I never wanted to be a robot who wore what the other girls told me to wear, listened to crappy top10 lists and had no opinions. I had a lot more fun wearing Tinker Bell -tops, going to church clubs and camps, listening to emo music, playing computer games, reading fantasy books and generally just being a weird, opinionated homosexual.

This is how "amazing" the picture quality was in older camera phones.

It was way more fun being weird! My freetime activities were amazing. Here, for instance, I went to a clothes store with my friend and we both chose each other the most awful outfits and then took photos in the changing room. This is what teenagers should do, instead of learning how to became a robot.

And this topic is not only relevant to those who are at school and going through those horrible teenager years trying to figure out who they are while being under constant pressure of not doing anything that wouldn't be accepted by their peers. This is relevant to anyone! No matter what your age is, you can still discover new things about yourself and new ways to express yourself. Start a new hobby, explore new hairstyles or get into motorcycles. There are mums out there who are afraid to get tattoos and piercings or other mums wouldn't let their children to play with their kids. There are grandmas who wonder what their friends might say if they got a purple mohawk*. There are men who really want to wear skirts instead of trousers because it's hot outside. Such things won't change their ability to function as members of society. Those little things that would be a part of their individual appearance would only make them happier and more lively. And happy people can do anything! Those who judge should go home and think about what makes them so angry.

One of my favourite bands, PMMP, released this song 4 years ago.

It is amazing. Here are some bits of the lyrics in English**:

They shout furiously: “No! Men don't behave like that!”

I guess beauty offends them

But although they make fun of my body

They can never touch my soul

My clothes that people make fun of

and my feather boa that is so despised here

need more glitter when I get there

or otherwise I will be unnoticed in the eclectic crowd

There, family cars are not the only cars stuck in the traffic jam

There are buses and limousines side by side

I will not swallow tears but champagne instead

I will dress up in sequins from head to toe

The mouths don't mock and not a single finger rises

I'm not afraid that I won't find anyone

And like a bird I will rise up

I was never a prisoner of my body after all

Seriously it's the best song ever. It's all about equality and being accepted as who you are. Sadly in this song, the person had to leave somewhere else, but that's just something you need to do if you're surroundings are poisonous. But we are all gorgeous as who we are! And all of us are allowed to wear whatever we like, whatever makes us confident and happy. And that's the beauty of it. Life would be boring if everyone just wore hoodies and jeans.

So, who wants to dress up in sequins and come and drink champagne with me?

Featuring Scottish countryside.

I have muffins.

* True story! She came in to book an appointment when I was at the hairdressers.
** I'm sorry, but my translation skills suck. Please let me know if you know how to translate this song better.

Hey, How's it going!?

Life is crazy and I'm high on caffeine when I'm writing this. I went to see a psychiatrist this week. He asked a lot of really stupid questions and I told him that I don't want to see him again*. Well, that's not the whole story, but his claims got me thinking.

The reason why I haven't done much blog writing at all is that I am afraid to say things. It is scary to write down my thoughts for everyone to read, and I am worried I might offend people. I am also worried that people might find things I say inappropriate. But at the same time it's all a bit silly because I accidentally tend to offend people in real life all the time. And someone is always going to disagree with me no matter what I say – there is no way that everyone would like what I say! 
When I was in elementary school and we were learning percentages one calculation we were asked was: “How many people in your class like ice cream?” And we were not allowed to ask everyone, we were just meant to assume that everyone likes ice cream. It's really stupid to teach kids stuff like that. DIVERSITY! 

P.S. I don't like ice cream. Except Ben & Jerry's Baked Alaska. Or maybe something else during special moments when it's a hot summer day.

But maybe I should be braver about being me! I've accidentally stumbled across blogs and vlogs that have inspired me about this topic.

Jenna Marbles posted a video about it recently.

It is very different from her other videos, but has a very important message!

And yesterday I stumbled upon Lauren's blog.

It was inspiring. She writes in Finnish, but posts a lot of pictures too. She's provocative, sexual, open and not afraid to show who she is. Don't worry, there won't be any pornographic pictures of me here, but I might try and start to write more about my life here. And stop being so worried about shocking people. I shall post pictures of pants if I want to! Those who wish to disapprove may disapprove. The psychiatrist claimed that I should share more about myself with strangers. I am not sure what kind of mental healthcare tip that was supposed to be.

But to be honest, after finally coming out to mum, I should have the courage to write about my life and thoughts a little bit more openly here too!

Picture of me when I used to be brave.

Anyway, the point of this post was to let you know that I have decided to try and be a little bit braver, and a little bit more openly me from now on. The scary thing is that all the negativity from people is so much more hurtful when they can see all the real you. I'll let you know how it goes and whether I would recommend it or not.

* I don't have anything against psychiatrists and I am in favour of mental healthcare, but I have no idea where this one got his qualifications from. Even my cat understands people and psychology better than him.

Anti-stress strategy

 Hello people!

Last week I wrote about my coffee break while I was stressing about my dissertation. Well, I've since then come to a conclusion that stressing is bad and unhelpful. My stress didn't make the books that I needed miraculously appear on the shelves in the library nor did the maths I had to do get any easier. Therefore, this week I'm going to tell you about my new strategy: not stressing.

This week has been great. I went to a few Halloween parties at the weekend and then heard on Tuesday that some Christians despise Halloween. I ended up creating a personal theological dilemma because of this, and threw my Christmas into a bin. I then had a wonderful midnight conversation with a friend and picked the Christmas back up again. I now know approximately what I'm going to do this Christmas and it won't be stressful at all. (Well, apart from the Christmas shopping.)

Because my dissertation was not getting anywhere, thanks to the lack of books I needed and the diagram that I was convinced was wrong, I decided to have a break from it and write an essay for another course. My essay topic was interesting and it was all good, except that actually writing it sounded very tiring.

But then because the university' rector elections coming up, someone called Matt Bell put posters up about getting rid of the unisex toilets in the library.

This lead me to do a lot of reading about toilets and how they should or could be separated. And I ended up joining the “Unisex Toilet Appreciation Group” on Facebook. But someone posted a Youtube link there. And I watched the video. And then I watched another video that Youtube recommended me. And this went on for quite a while and in the end I found myself watching all the videos that someone had posted there (they didn't have anything to do with toilets) and realised that I was developing a really unhealthy crush on someone I had never met and will never meet. But hey, I was happy! And definitely not stressed.

And I'm still happy, and now I'm actually more willing to write my essay and dissertation because I'm not stressed about it. I guess sometimes you just have to have a break from your work and do something really stupid that and potentially embarrassing.

I would also like to tell you that blog writing helps, because I am writing. And the more I write, the more used to I get to write and it will therefore be easier to write thousands of words.

Both of my flatmates are participating in the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) contest, which I find a little bit depressing because they are writing thousands of words each day and I can't write my assignments that fast. But writing is good. Keep writing. You may start by writing me a comment.