Year 2014 - autumn!

Hi!

So now it's time for the second part of this 2014 reminiscing thing I thought I'd do. In case you missed the first half, here's months January - June.

...So what happened in the autumn 2014?

July

July started with a trip to the vet. My cat died, and we buried him. I was very sad. I also spent a lot of time with my family members and best friends while I was still in Finland. I went to see my brother's first own flat, went strawberry picking with my sister and went to the Moominland with my best friends and goddaughter. Soon it was time to get back home to Scotland, but the weather was actually really lovely and warm so I got to go to the beach a couple of times before that! After that the rest of the month was just routine: working either early mornings or afternoons and getting home really late. 

These picture collages actually make my time in Finland look really long. It was actually less than two weeks, but it just happened to be the end of June and beginning of July and the most significant thing that happened to me in the summer.

August

August was actually pretty cool. I discovered my new favourite beer: Tsingtao 青島啤酒廠, a Chinese beer. There was also Aurora International Festival 2014 : a group of French folk dancers travelled from Toulouse to Aberdeen by bus (!) to perform their dances and to experience the Scottish culture. I went to a couple of their events and had a great time - they were such lovely people!

But the best thing in August was Manchester Pride Festival. It was such an amazing and well organised event! They had so many things going on and the whole Manchester Gay Village was accessible only with the festival wristband (which was really cheap considering all the events included in it!) which made it feel really safe as well. During a regular weekend, Manchester is fantastic compared to Aberdeen. Instead of one gay bar you get a whole street full of them plus a couple of extras but during the Pride Weekend it was just incredible! I spoke to one straight girl who had come to the festival just because she thought it would be a great event and she was so excited she said she would come back next year too. (So that's this year! Who wants to come with me?!) It was like one of these big all-weekend music festivals that I've been to before in my life but with all sorts of amazing extras. And really good performers. I'm so excited I saw Heather Peace, Foxes and Conchita Wurst. From front row. ... Aaahhh!  

Also, I sent my mum a postcard from Pride. That's something I thought I'd never do. Last time I went to a Pride Festival I had to lie to her and claim that I went somewhere else.

September

Carrying on with this theme of each months highlight being a trip somewhere: September was about Crete. I had never been to a beach holiday before. I had actually never travelled anywhere where it would be sunny or warm. My previous holiday destinations have ranged between Alaskan tundra, an uninhabited island in the middle of the North Sea, Germany in the winter etc. So I guess you can imagine my excitement? And perhaps understand that only 5% of the clothes I packed were actually even suitable for such weather conditions. It was so hot. What is that madness of not needing a jacket? Even in the evening? Mediterranean was such a beautiful and lovely place. I smothered myself with sun screen and enjoyed the sun and a few great cocktails. I was so pleased with the expensive sandals I had bought for this trip. I didn't want to wear anything else during this trip.

That trip was just so much more amazing than the new green coke – Coca-Cola Life –  that has 37% less white sugar because it has been replaced by Stevia sugar. But it was probably the most exciting thing in my life to happen in September besides the holiday. I mean, green coke. What is that?

October

October was wet. Very wet. And I was getting a bit tired. I went swimming, but it was pretty much the only excitement in my life. I felt a bit lonely as well. I was working only evenings anymore which I didn't really like – I preferred to have a mixture of late and early shifts. I wasn't really happy with how things were in my life. I started applying for new jobs and funding to go back to uni.

November

In November I got early shifts again and got to run to work with the bunnies before dawn! It made me feel so much better. I was also feeling really Christmassy since at work there had been all sorts of Christmas stuff going on for over a month already. So I put our Christmas tree up mid-November and listened to a lot of Christmas music. I also attended my work's Christmas party which was quite an experience... Before that I, however, had a sophisticated day trip to Fraserburgh's Lighthouse Museum which I would like to visit again, because we didn't actually have enough time to go and see the actual lighthouse.

Finland's government passed the equal marriage law which was a good reason for a wee celebration and some bubbly wine! It went well with some fajitas and a good lesbian movie Better Than Chocolate. 

I also had another successful job interview! I decided not to take it though because I also got money to go back to university.

December

December was fabulous. I quit my job and flew to Finland where I spent the first three days sweating and having problems breathing because the houses were so warm and the air was so very dry. And then there was snow! And my brother had a new kitten! And I went on a Turku-Stockholm party cruise twice! And there was Christmas and I loved all the lovely Christmas trees and all the yummy food!

I also turned 25 in December which is a bit scary because it's a quarter of a century which makes me sound really old. Like should I be sensible and know what I'm doing in life? I know nothing. But it's OK. I had a small birthday outing on my actual birthday but it ended up being like a double date in a table reserved for 10 people in a restaurant. It was a bit embarrassing, but at least the most important people were there. So much for those friends who didn't show up. But Tiia offered me a birthday dinner in a fancy restaurant when I arrived in Finland and afterwards we went to see Turku Christmas market!

I also liked that silly white T-shirt. I took that picture when I first saw it before Christmas and bought it later in January sales. Now I can wear it and be creepy.

The end. 

Okay, life goes on, and 2015 looks fairly promising!

Year 2014 - spring!

Happy new year, guys!

... Okay, I admit that my plan was to do this post last month. But better late than never, eh?

I did a similar post last year and found it really therapeutic to say goodbye to the year 2013. So I think it's worth it to review what happened in my life in 2014 as well. Maybe it will remind me of my mistakes so that I can learn from then? And more importantly I can see what I've achieved last year so that I can be proud of it. And maybe after this it will be easier to focus on this year and the future.

This has potential to be a bit long, so I'm going to do this in two parts.

So what happened in spring 2014?

January

I welcomed the year 2014 in a small Finnish town with my friends. We stood on a muddy field with sparklers. I had bought myself a fancy new camera with objectives and everything for a Christmas present and had great intentions to learn to use it. 

We sailed to Stockholm with my friends and had a great day out in rainy and wintery Stockholm. When Reseda and Anna would sail back to Finland, Mayumi and I were supposed to catch an evening flight to London. But of course there were problems. We had locked our suitcases, passports and plane tickets into a locker at the ferry terminal. But we hadn't realised to check what time the ferry terminal would close and of course the place was empty and the doors were locked when we returned there to collect our luggage just before our train would leave to the airport. Fortunately, we managed to catch the security guard before he went home. It was his first day! Thankfully, he was lovely and helped us to get back into the building to get our stuff, and we made it back to UK in one piece.

Before travelling back up to Scotland I spent a couple of days in my favourite city, Oxford. I visited J.R.R. Tolkien's grave and just wandered around the familiar streets and felt nostalgic.

When we got back to Aberdeen, Mayumi and I decided to compare whether differently priced Jaffa cakes actually tasted any different. They did. The medium priced were the best ones.

February

In February the sun started shining and Aberdeen didn't seem quite as miserable anymore. I decided that I needed to do something with my life and to start living again. I started yoga. I applied for jobs. I got contact lenses. I travelled to a job interview in Glasgow — and for the first time in my life it was successful job interview! My favourite shop, Lush, was campaigning for equal love. We also had a lovely candlelit Valentine's double date night. Also, our flatmate's Japanese boyfriend was visiting and we organised a road trip to visit some Scottish castles.

March

In March, Satu and I visited Manchester, bought some Lush bath bombs and may have ended up having a bath wearing our party dresses after a wee exploration trip to Canal Street. 

I also went to another job interview, got offered another job and started working in Aberdeen. And that's how the era of riding buses began.

April

In April, I had a lot of early mornings which involved getting up at 3am and running out of the door to catch a my bus to work. Those mornings were made a lot better by our neighbourhood bunnies who ran down the street with me. I really loved living there! Working was exciting but commuting for 3 hours everyday was tiring and I started drinking a lot of coffee.

I had a wee holiday too! I travelled to London to go to #rosweglyn -event, to meet "role models for the next generation of gay girls", also known as, "One venue, a handful of YouTubers and 600 screaming lesbians". I was quite excited to go to this thing! I got to meet Kaelyn and Lucy, who I had been following for a long time! And it certainly didn't make it less exciting that two other lesbian youtuber couples: Wegan (Megan and Whitney) and The Roses (Rose and Rosie) were going to be there too. Because Youtube has become sort of like my best friend, I obviously have been watching their videos too. Unfortunately,  Rose ended up in hospital that morning and wasn't able to be there.

May

This was fairly work-orientated month. I took photos of animals I met on my way to work each morning. It was dark, so I'm sure you understand that my phone wasn't able to produce high-quality photos. But I was so happy about meeting these animals! In May, I also finally got paid and celebrated that by buying a new hand bag and eating some fancy Japanese-style food. I also moved to a new flat, and then back to the old flat because the new one sucked. I also got myself a pool and sauna membership to the new aquatics centre. It was so good for me to dip into a pool after a long day of work and then to relax in the sauna. It made such a difference! And afterwards I liked to go to the pub to get a glass of cheap champagne.

June

I enjoyed summer in my favourite neighbourhood and admired our local Pictish standing stones. Then I received some bad news from Finland and travelled to see my poorly cat. Jonna happened to be hosting a breastfeeding celebration party so I travelled to her village to spend time with her and my goddaughter and some friends. We also got a chance to explore my hometown's dangerous nightlife... The same night, there was someone trying to get into a nightclub with a scythe. I don't know why my mum thinks the rest of the world is dangerous, when this sort of thing happens when I visit home.

So that was the first half. Here's the second half.

Do you enjoy looking back to see what you have done last year? I think I've seen some apps on Facebook that do that for you without you needing to dig through your photo albums like I did for this post. Oh, and if you have written similar posts yourself, feel free to link them to me!

Terrible Valentine's Day cards

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! ♥

I had a great plan to write a post about my frustration with Valentine's Day cards and also to provide you with some advice on how to by a reasonable card. Unfortunately I'm a bit late for that. In case you failed at it though, I hope this post will help you understand why you got dumped.

As you know, today is Valentine's Day. In Finland we call it "Friend's Day" which is really a day UK should have too. But as awful as Valentine's Day is with it's cheesiness, it's a good excuse for people to let the person in their day dreams know that there are some pheromones flying around. And for those who already have caught that lovely person, it's a good day to remind them that they are still appreciated.

In order to prepare for this pink and fluffy day, I decided to buy a Valentine's Day card.

If you have any arts and crafts skills, I recommend you just make one yourself. But because I'm not very artsy-crafty, I had to go with what they sell in the shops.

It was kind of easy because all the other girls were buzzing around the "boyfriend"-shelf, and I got the whole "girlfriend"-shelf for myself. There were no men in any of the card shops I visited. Maybe they all buy Asda smart price cards?

It's not that bad a choice really. Compared to what these shops had to offer.

You felt forced to buy a card? Then this one is a great buy to ensure that you'll no longer have a girlfriend to buy cards for.

Confusing labels cause fights!

Hello!

Did you hear that Scotland passed the Equal Marriage law yesterday?! 

Yay, now I can get married! 

Well, almost. Now I would just like Finland to follow this example.

Rainbow flag at our university's societies' building!

Okay, because I wasn't going to go wedding dress shopping right now, I thought I'd write a little rant about a completely different topic. Is this even going to be a rant? Aren't you supposed to be angry at someone when you have a rant? I don't feel angry. And I actually really hope I won't offend anyone. I just want to bring these things up, so that they could be discussed. But this is partly about how people seem to get very offended by everything these days. 

People find it natural to label everything. So I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about labels we have for different genders and sexual orientations.

I got inspired to write this post after I read tau's blog post (in Finnish). She wrote about how very few people know about her pansexuality, because she's in a relationship with a boy, and doesn't really see why she should come out to everyone she meets. She also points out that in order to even talk about her feelings or orientation, she needs to pick a box and stand in it.

And she chose pansexuality. This made me want to write about pansexuality.

Picture from knowhomo.tumblr.com.

Do you know what "pansexual" means?

Does anyone know?

Is pansexuality just the ultimate category for those who got tired of questioning and finally felt that they don't really mind what gender their partners represent? Or is it just a fancy word for bisexuality that some people use to confuse people? Is it a fashion trend?

It could be any of those things, but probably for most pansexuals it's not. It could be a conversation starter. If you ask about their sexual orientation, and they reply pansexual, then they've only told you that gender is not important to them when they are looking for a partner. But you still haven't got an answer to what kind of people they're interested in.

But why do you need to have a label? Why can't people just be people?

I used to label myself pansexual when it was less acceptable for me to just be gay. It was important to have a label, because people would keep asking questions. I'm still bitter that I had to fill a form to university where the options were:

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Lesbian

Gay man

Prefer not to say 

Because back then I had a boyfriend, I felt that I couldn't really tick the lesbian box. I was kind of tempted to claim that I was a gay man just because I didn't see the point for separating "gay men" and "lesbians" when the other groups were grouped together and when there was a separate question for my gender next to it. And I didn't want to choose the last option, because I really preferred to tell them that I was LGBT since they were asking. In the end I answered "bisexual" although I felt that that label didn't really describe me. And later I realised how unfair it was for all the bisexuals that I would even call myself bisexual. 

There's enough biphobia without me jumping around as a bad example. 

"You can't like both genders, they'll all eventually just go back to men/women."

"Bisexuality is just a phase before they come out as gay." 

I don't want to make it worse and just ticked the lesbian box the next time I had to fill the same form. It felt a lot better.

Maybe everyone who identifies as a pansexual has their own definition for the term?

Oh, there are so many different kinds of pans.

Family, friends and future

It's crazy o'clock and I'm drinking lumpy chocolate milk and burning a Yankee candle while I'm writing this. I just had a candlelit shower. It was awesome. I'm kind of glad this no-light-in-the-bathroom incident happened. Otherwise I would have never bothered lighting candles in the bathroom just so that I could have a shower. I feel clean and happy now.

I think this is a fantastic moment to tell you something about me. This time I'm going to tell you about my background. Me, my family, friends and my future wishes relating to family and friends. And I'm going to be using "...and that's who I am" pictures again.

Ready to find out more about me?

Stories from Finland

Hello!

Guess what? I have a new favourite song! I really wanted to share it with you.

This song is by a new Finnish band called Sallan ja Miron matka maailman ympäri, which means “Salla and Miro's trip around the world”. These two young Finns make their own music – Miro composes and writes their songs and Salla sings. Miro also plays instruments and sometimes sings. There are also two other members in the band – the boys, Aku and Aarni sitting on the bench in the video.

For a moment I had thought there was nothing worth listening to coming from Finland these days. My favourite bands had either quit or started a long break. But then I discovered this band! And they haven't even released their first album yet.

I also think that this music video is fantastic. It has all of my favourite things in it! Finnish summer, planes and holding hands. To be fair, I like everything about this video. It's different in an ordinary way, and it's cute and happy!

I don't listen to music very often anymore. And when I do, I mostly just want to hear happy music. I have heard enough angry and depressing music already. I probably could listen to something like that, if I was angry or depressed at the time – but these days I just want to be happy. And it's a lot easier if there is happy music playing in the background.

In this song, Tarinoita - “Stories”, she's singing about how she's not sure if she wants her to tag along. She's asking her to tell stories – and it's irrelevant whether they are true – in order to get to know her better.

She asks three questions:

1. Can you ride a horse?

2. Do you believe in God?

3. Could you save me?

In the end she concludes that it's pointless to beg the world for love or forgiveness – and that she does want her to tag along.

When it's summmer in Finland, I like to sit in a cage with a cat.

Did you like the song?

Individuality, equality and diversity!

Big words, guys. But if I'm going to start talking about things without censoring most of my thoughts, this might be a good topic to start with. And I will without a doubt be coming back to this. I'll just write about individuality today, but all three of these topics are interlinked.

When I was at school we had a photo competition which theme was “individually together”. The concept made sense to me then, and it still does. But unfortunately it does not make sense to everyone and it's very sad. So many people are trying to “fit the crowd” and look “normal”. Do what “society thinks is right” instead of being who they are.

Okay, I must admit that I was never the coolest of kids. And still am not. I mean, I look like this in my holiday photos:

It was a holiday in Lewis in 2010!

And surprise, surprise! I was bullied at school. I never really understood why I got bullied. I didn't really think of it at the time, I just did my best at ignoring it. But then I came across a news paper article where the journalist had interviewed a class and found out what kind of reasons will be used as excuses for bullying.

Here are the reasons they listed:

Wrong clothes. Clothes that are five years old, discount store clothes, charity shop clothes, cartoon character -tops, Gothic style, Lolita style, heavy rocker style, or anything that might make you look gay.

Wrong music. Anything ancient or classical. Church music. Anything that the majority doesn't listen to. Basically you have to listen to bands that are on top10 lists.

Wrong hobbies. Guides, computer games, larping, archery, violin, golf, church clubs, fantasy books, Irish dance, martial arts if you're a girl and ballet, riding or piano if you're a boy. Basically you're not “allowed to” have any “weird” or different hobbies – such as dance if you're a boy.

Wrong ideologies. Religiousness, vegetarianism, or accepting gay rights. Basically you're not allowed to enjoy reading or fantasy. Or have much opinions about anything.

Thank goodness I'm not at school anymore. This explains why I got bullied. I could post pictures of myself doing all of those things “wrong”, but I probably don't have to. And I'm glad I did. I never wanted to be a robot who wore what the other girls told me to wear, listened to crappy top10 lists and had no opinions. I had a lot more fun wearing Tinker Bell -tops, going to church clubs and camps, listening to emo music, playing computer games, reading fantasy books and generally just being a weird, opinionated homosexual.

This is how "amazing" the picture quality was in older camera phones.

It was way more fun being weird! My freetime activities were amazing. Here, for instance, I went to a clothes store with my friend and we both chose each other the most awful outfits and then took photos in the changing room. This is what teenagers should do, instead of learning how to became a robot.

And this topic is not only relevant to those who are at school and going through those horrible teenager years trying to figure out who they are while being under constant pressure of not doing anything that wouldn't be accepted by their peers. This is relevant to anyone! No matter what your age is, you can still discover new things about yourself and new ways to express yourself. Start a new hobby, explore new hairstyles or get into motorcycles. There are mums out there who are afraid to get tattoos and piercings or other mums wouldn't let their children to play with their kids. There are grandmas who wonder what their friends might say if they got a purple mohawk*. There are men who really want to wear skirts instead of trousers because it's hot outside. Such things won't change their ability to function as members of society. Those little things that would be a part of their individual appearance would only make them happier and more lively. And happy people can do anything! Those who judge should go home and think about what makes them so angry.

One of my favourite bands, PMMP, released this song 4 years ago.

It is amazing. Here are some bits of the lyrics in English**:

They shout furiously: “No! Men don't behave like that!”

I guess beauty offends them

But although they make fun of my body

They can never touch my soul

My clothes that people make fun of

and my feather boa that is so despised here

need more glitter when I get there

or otherwise I will be unnoticed in the eclectic crowd

There, family cars are not the only cars stuck in the traffic jam

There are buses and limousines side by side

I will not swallow tears but champagne instead

I will dress up in sequins from head to toe

The mouths don't mock and not a single finger rises

I'm not afraid that I won't find anyone

And like a bird I will rise up

I was never a prisoner of my body after all

Seriously it's the best song ever. It's all about equality and being accepted as who you are. Sadly in this song, the person had to leave somewhere else, but that's just something you need to do if you're surroundings are poisonous. But we are all gorgeous as who we are! And all of us are allowed to wear whatever we like, whatever makes us confident and happy. And that's the beauty of it. Life would be boring if everyone just wore hoodies and jeans.

So, who wants to dress up in sequins and come and drink champagne with me?

Featuring Scottish countryside.

I have muffins.

* True story! She came in to book an appointment when I was at the hairdressers.
** I'm sorry, but my translation skills suck. Please let me know if you know how to translate this song better.

Hey, How's it going!?

Life is crazy and I'm high on caffeine when I'm writing this. I went to see a psychiatrist this week. He asked a lot of really stupid questions and I told him that I don't want to see him again*. Well, that's not the whole story, but his claims got me thinking.

The reason why I haven't done much blog writing at all is that I am afraid to say things. It is scary to write down my thoughts for everyone to read, and I am worried I might offend people. I am also worried that people might find things I say inappropriate. But at the same time it's all a bit silly because I accidentally tend to offend people in real life all the time. And someone is always going to disagree with me no matter what I say – there is no way that everyone would like what I say! 
When I was in elementary school and we were learning percentages one calculation we were asked was: “How many people in your class like ice cream?” And we were not allowed to ask everyone, we were just meant to assume that everyone likes ice cream. It's really stupid to teach kids stuff like that. DIVERSITY! 

P.S. I don't like ice cream. Except Ben & Jerry's Baked Alaska. Or maybe something else during special moments when it's a hot summer day.

But maybe I should be braver about being me! I've accidentally stumbled across blogs and vlogs that have inspired me about this topic.

Jenna Marbles posted a video about it recently.

It is very different from her other videos, but has a very important message!

And yesterday I stumbled upon Lauren's blog.

It was inspiring. She writes in Finnish, but posts a lot of pictures too. She's provocative, sexual, open and not afraid to show who she is. Don't worry, there won't be any pornographic pictures of me here, but I might try and start to write more about my life here. And stop being so worried about shocking people. I shall post pictures of pants if I want to! Those who wish to disapprove may disapprove. The psychiatrist claimed that I should share more about myself with strangers. I am not sure what kind of mental healthcare tip that was supposed to be.

But to be honest, after finally coming out to mum, I should have the courage to write about my life and thoughts a little bit more openly here too!

Picture of me when I used to be brave.

Anyway, the point of this post was to let you know that I have decided to try and be a little bit braver, and a little bit more openly me from now on. The scary thing is that all the negativity from people is so much more hurtful when they can see all the real you. I'll let you know how it goes and whether I would recommend it or not.

* I don't have anything against psychiatrists and I am in favour of mental healthcare, but I have no idea where this one got his qualifications from. Even my cat understands people and psychology better than him.