Year 2014 - autumn!

Hi!

So now it's time for the second part of this 2014 reminiscing thing I thought I'd do. In case you missed the first half, here's months January - June.

...So what happened in the autumn 2014?

July

July started with a trip to the vet. My cat died, and we buried him. I was very sad. I also spent a lot of time with my family members and best friends while I was still in Finland. I went to see my brother's first own flat, went strawberry picking with my sister and went to the Moominland with my best friends and goddaughter. Soon it was time to get back home to Scotland, but the weather was actually really lovely and warm so I got to go to the beach a couple of times before that! After that the rest of the month was just routine: working either early mornings or afternoons and getting home really late. 

These picture collages actually make my time in Finland look really long. It was actually less than two weeks, but it just happened to be the end of June and beginning of July and the most significant thing that happened to me in the summer.

August

August was actually pretty cool. I discovered my new favourite beer: Tsingtao 青島啤酒廠, a Chinese beer. There was also Aurora International Festival 2014 : a group of French folk dancers travelled from Toulouse to Aberdeen by bus (!) to perform their dances and to experience the Scottish culture. I went to a couple of their events and had a great time - they were such lovely people!

But the best thing in August was Manchester Pride Festival. It was such an amazing and well organised event! They had so many things going on and the whole Manchester Gay Village was accessible only with the festival wristband (which was really cheap considering all the events included in it!) which made it feel really safe as well. During a regular weekend, Manchester is fantastic compared to Aberdeen. Instead of one gay bar you get a whole street full of them plus a couple of extras but during the Pride Weekend it was just incredible! I spoke to one straight girl who had come to the festival just because she thought it would be a great event and she was so excited she said she would come back next year too. (So that's this year! Who wants to come with me?!) It was like one of these big all-weekend music festivals that I've been to before in my life but with all sorts of amazing extras. And really good performers. I'm so excited I saw Heather Peace, Foxes and Conchita Wurst. From front row. ... Aaahhh!  

Also, I sent my mum a postcard from Pride. That's something I thought I'd never do. Last time I went to a Pride Festival I had to lie to her and claim that I went somewhere else.

September

Carrying on with this theme of each months highlight being a trip somewhere: September was about Crete. I had never been to a beach holiday before. I had actually never travelled anywhere where it would be sunny or warm. My previous holiday destinations have ranged between Alaskan tundra, an uninhabited island in the middle of the North Sea, Germany in the winter etc. So I guess you can imagine my excitement? And perhaps understand that only 5% of the clothes I packed were actually even suitable for such weather conditions. It was so hot. What is that madness of not needing a jacket? Even in the evening? Mediterranean was such a beautiful and lovely place. I smothered myself with sun screen and enjoyed the sun and a few great cocktails. I was so pleased with the expensive sandals I had bought for this trip. I didn't want to wear anything else during this trip.

That trip was just so much more amazing than the new green coke – Coca-Cola Life –  that has 37% less white sugar because it has been replaced by Stevia sugar. But it was probably the most exciting thing in my life to happen in September besides the holiday. I mean, green coke. What is that?

October

October was wet. Very wet. And I was getting a bit tired. I went swimming, but it was pretty much the only excitement in my life. I felt a bit lonely as well. I was working only evenings anymore which I didn't really like – I preferred to have a mixture of late and early shifts. I wasn't really happy with how things were in my life. I started applying for new jobs and funding to go back to uni.

November

In November I got early shifts again and got to run to work with the bunnies before dawn! It made me feel so much better. I was also feeling really Christmassy since at work there had been all sorts of Christmas stuff going on for over a month already. So I put our Christmas tree up mid-November and listened to a lot of Christmas music. I also attended my work's Christmas party which was quite an experience... Before that I, however, had a sophisticated day trip to Fraserburgh's Lighthouse Museum which I would like to visit again, because we didn't actually have enough time to go and see the actual lighthouse.

Finland's government passed the equal marriage law which was a good reason for a wee celebration and some bubbly wine! It went well with some fajitas and a good lesbian movie Better Than Chocolate. 

I also had another successful job interview! I decided not to take it though because I also got money to go back to university.

December

December was fabulous. I quit my job and flew to Finland where I spent the first three days sweating and having problems breathing because the houses were so warm and the air was so very dry. And then there was snow! And my brother had a new kitten! And I went on a Turku-Stockholm party cruise twice! And there was Christmas and I loved all the lovely Christmas trees and all the yummy food!

I also turned 25 in December which is a bit scary because it's a quarter of a century which makes me sound really old. Like should I be sensible and know what I'm doing in life? I know nothing. But it's OK. I had a small birthday outing on my actual birthday but it ended up being like a double date in a table reserved for 10 people in a restaurant. It was a bit embarrassing, but at least the most important people were there. So much for those friends who didn't show up. But Tiia offered me a birthday dinner in a fancy restaurant when I arrived in Finland and afterwards we went to see Turku Christmas market!

I also liked that silly white T-shirt. I took that picture when I first saw it before Christmas and bought it later in January sales. Now I can wear it and be creepy.

The end. 

Okay, life goes on, and 2015 looks fairly promising!

Year 2014 - spring!

Happy new year, guys!

... Okay, I admit that my plan was to do this post last month. But better late than never, eh?

I did a similar post last year and found it really therapeutic to say goodbye to the year 2013. So I think it's worth it to review what happened in my life in 2014 as well. Maybe it will remind me of my mistakes so that I can learn from then? And more importantly I can see what I've achieved last year so that I can be proud of it. And maybe after this it will be easier to focus on this year and the future.

This has potential to be a bit long, so I'm going to do this in two parts.

So what happened in spring 2014?

January

I welcomed the year 2014 in a small Finnish town with my friends. We stood on a muddy field with sparklers. I had bought myself a fancy new camera with objectives and everything for a Christmas present and had great intentions to learn to use it. 

We sailed to Stockholm with my friends and had a great day out in rainy and wintery Stockholm. When Reseda and Anna would sail back to Finland, Mayumi and I were supposed to catch an evening flight to London. But of course there were problems. We had locked our suitcases, passports and plane tickets into a locker at the ferry terminal. But we hadn't realised to check what time the ferry terminal would close and of course the place was empty and the doors were locked when we returned there to collect our luggage just before our train would leave to the airport. Fortunately, we managed to catch the security guard before he went home. It was his first day! Thankfully, he was lovely and helped us to get back into the building to get our stuff, and we made it back to UK in one piece.

Before travelling back up to Scotland I spent a couple of days in my favourite city, Oxford. I visited J.R.R. Tolkien's grave and just wandered around the familiar streets and felt nostalgic.

When we got back to Aberdeen, Mayumi and I decided to compare whether differently priced Jaffa cakes actually tasted any different. They did. The medium priced were the best ones.

February

In February the sun started shining and Aberdeen didn't seem quite as miserable anymore. I decided that I needed to do something with my life and to start living again. I started yoga. I applied for jobs. I got contact lenses. I travelled to a job interview in Glasgow — and for the first time in my life it was successful job interview! My favourite shop, Lush, was campaigning for equal love. We also had a lovely candlelit Valentine's double date night. Also, our flatmate's Japanese boyfriend was visiting and we organised a road trip to visit some Scottish castles.

March

In March, Satu and I visited Manchester, bought some Lush bath bombs and may have ended up having a bath wearing our party dresses after a wee exploration trip to Canal Street. 

I also went to another job interview, got offered another job and started working in Aberdeen. And that's how the era of riding buses began.

April

In April, I had a lot of early mornings which involved getting up at 3am and running out of the door to catch a my bus to work. Those mornings were made a lot better by our neighbourhood bunnies who ran down the street with me. I really loved living there! Working was exciting but commuting for 3 hours everyday was tiring and I started drinking a lot of coffee.

I had a wee holiday too! I travelled to London to go to #rosweglyn -event, to meet "role models for the next generation of gay girls", also known as, "One venue, a handful of YouTubers and 600 screaming lesbians". I was quite excited to go to this thing! I got to meet Kaelyn and Lucy, who I had been following for a long time! And it certainly didn't make it less exciting that two other lesbian youtuber couples: Wegan (Megan and Whitney) and The Roses (Rose and Rosie) were going to be there too. Because Youtube has become sort of like my best friend, I obviously have been watching their videos too. Unfortunately,  Rose ended up in hospital that morning and wasn't able to be there.

May

This was fairly work-orientated month. I took photos of animals I met on my way to work each morning. It was dark, so I'm sure you understand that my phone wasn't able to produce high-quality photos. But I was so happy about meeting these animals! In May, I also finally got paid and celebrated that by buying a new hand bag and eating some fancy Japanese-style food. I also moved to a new flat, and then back to the old flat because the new one sucked. I also got myself a pool and sauna membership to the new aquatics centre. It was so good for me to dip into a pool after a long day of work and then to relax in the sauna. It made such a difference! And afterwards I liked to go to the pub to get a glass of cheap champagne.

June

I enjoyed summer in my favourite neighbourhood and admired our local Pictish standing stones. Then I received some bad news from Finland and travelled to see my poorly cat. Jonna happened to be hosting a breastfeeding celebration party so I travelled to her village to spend time with her and my goddaughter and some friends. We also got a chance to explore my hometown's dangerous nightlife... The same night, there was someone trying to get into a nightclub with a scythe. I don't know why my mum thinks the rest of the world is dangerous, when this sort of thing happens when I visit home.

So that was the first half. Here's the second half.

Do you enjoy looking back to see what you have done last year? I think I've seen some apps on Facebook that do that for you without you needing to dig through your photo albums like I did for this post. Oh, and if you have written similar posts yourself, feel free to link them to me!

First times

Someone once said that you should try and do something new everyday. After spending a year mostly sitting alone in my room, it sounds very extreme to me. But it also sound like something I should really try to do!

This week I've done many things!

I've drank champagne dressed up in sequins,

There's just no space for unhappiness if you have champagne and sequins.

had a house party at my flat,

There were two of my favourite people and two people I had never met before.
The blinds fell down and the floor I had just washed got very sticky.

broken some rules,

We also polkaed on the beach barefoot.

found a random taxi driver who was just picking up his wife from work and convinced him to take me to the airport to catch a flight that was supposed to leave in 45 minutes.

Miraculously we made it although the check-in desk had already closed when we got there.

And stroked a hairless cat dressed up as a dinosaur.

Thank you, Henri!

It's been a busy week.

Other than that I've come to realise that I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. But this year has taught me that trying to keep working when life is full of stress and there's no happiness – it's not worth it. If I had known what I know now, I probably would have quit earlier. My life involved long days of trying to keep on top of my part-time job that was there to help me pay my rent and doing all of the uniwork for my masters. I felt too busy and too stressed out to meet friends in my very limited free time which I mostly spent crying alone at home, and as the year went on I became too nervous to even try and meet up with anyone. It was a very lonely year. My job was lonely as well, I was working alone when there was no one else there and my class situation at the university alarmingly reminded me of secondary school. I felt socially lonely – which is even a worse feeling than just feeling lonely when you're on your own.

That's not how I imagined my life to be. When I was little and obsessed with the TV series Friends, I wished that one day my life would be like theirs: I would live with my friends, have fun and they would be there for me when it hasn't been my day, month or even a year.

But basically, after somehow (barely) surviving this year, I want this all to change. I am currently looking for a flat where I could live with friends. Haven't found anything yet, and am mentally preparing myself to live in a cardboard box, but at least I don't want to be alone anymore. I also never again want to be in such a toxic environment that it's slowly killing me. If one day, for instance, I would manage to get a job, where I have to work with complete arseholes who are not treating me nicely and try to smoke me out, I am not going to stick around to see whether they mange to mess up my life or not. All I want from my future from now on, is happiness and I am not ready to negotiate it anymore.

Have you done anything new for the first time recently?

Individuality, equality and diversity!

Big words, guys. But if I'm going to start talking about things without censoring most of my thoughts, this might be a good topic to start with. And I will without a doubt be coming back to this. I'll just write about individuality today, but all three of these topics are interlinked.

When I was at school we had a photo competition which theme was “individually together”. The concept made sense to me then, and it still does. But unfortunately it does not make sense to everyone and it's very sad. So many people are trying to “fit the crowd” and look “normal”. Do what “society thinks is right” instead of being who they are.

Okay, I must admit that I was never the coolest of kids. And still am not. I mean, I look like this in my holiday photos:

It was a holiday in Lewis in 2010!

And surprise, surprise! I was bullied at school. I never really understood why I got bullied. I didn't really think of it at the time, I just did my best at ignoring it. But then I came across a news paper article where the journalist had interviewed a class and found out what kind of reasons will be used as excuses for bullying.

Here are the reasons they listed:

Wrong clothes. Clothes that are five years old, discount store clothes, charity shop clothes, cartoon character -tops, Gothic style, Lolita style, heavy rocker style, or anything that might make you look gay.

Wrong music. Anything ancient or classical. Church music. Anything that the majority doesn't listen to. Basically you have to listen to bands that are on top10 lists.

Wrong hobbies. Guides, computer games, larping, archery, violin, golf, church clubs, fantasy books, Irish dance, martial arts if you're a girl and ballet, riding or piano if you're a boy. Basically you're not “allowed to” have any “weird” or different hobbies – such as dance if you're a boy.

Wrong ideologies. Religiousness, vegetarianism, or accepting gay rights. Basically you're not allowed to enjoy reading or fantasy. Or have much opinions about anything.

Thank goodness I'm not at school anymore. This explains why I got bullied. I could post pictures of myself doing all of those things “wrong”, but I probably don't have to. And I'm glad I did. I never wanted to be a robot who wore what the other girls told me to wear, listened to crappy top10 lists and had no opinions. I had a lot more fun wearing Tinker Bell -tops, going to church clubs and camps, listening to emo music, playing computer games, reading fantasy books and generally just being a weird, opinionated homosexual.

This is how "amazing" the picture quality was in older camera phones.

It was way more fun being weird! My freetime activities were amazing. Here, for instance, I went to a clothes store with my friend and we both chose each other the most awful outfits and then took photos in the changing room. This is what teenagers should do, instead of learning how to became a robot.

And this topic is not only relevant to those who are at school and going through those horrible teenager years trying to figure out who they are while being under constant pressure of not doing anything that wouldn't be accepted by their peers. This is relevant to anyone! No matter what your age is, you can still discover new things about yourself and new ways to express yourself. Start a new hobby, explore new hairstyles or get into motorcycles. There are mums out there who are afraid to get tattoos and piercings or other mums wouldn't let their children to play with their kids. There are grandmas who wonder what their friends might say if they got a purple mohawk*. There are men who really want to wear skirts instead of trousers because it's hot outside. Such things won't change their ability to function as members of society. Those little things that would be a part of their individual appearance would only make them happier and more lively. And happy people can do anything! Those who judge should go home and think about what makes them so angry.

One of my favourite bands, PMMP, released this song 4 years ago.

It is amazing. Here are some bits of the lyrics in English**:

They shout furiously: “No! Men don't behave like that!”

I guess beauty offends them

But although they make fun of my body

They can never touch my soul

My clothes that people make fun of

and my feather boa that is so despised here

need more glitter when I get there

or otherwise I will be unnoticed in the eclectic crowd

There, family cars are not the only cars stuck in the traffic jam

There are buses and limousines side by side

I will not swallow tears but champagne instead

I will dress up in sequins from head to toe

The mouths don't mock and not a single finger rises

I'm not afraid that I won't find anyone

And like a bird I will rise up

I was never a prisoner of my body after all

Seriously it's the best song ever. It's all about equality and being accepted as who you are. Sadly in this song, the person had to leave somewhere else, but that's just something you need to do if you're surroundings are poisonous. But we are all gorgeous as who we are! And all of us are allowed to wear whatever we like, whatever makes us confident and happy. And that's the beauty of it. Life would be boring if everyone just wore hoodies and jeans.

So, who wants to dress up in sequins and come and drink champagne with me?

Featuring Scottish countryside.

I have muffins.

* True story! She came in to book an appointment when I was at the hairdressers.
** I'm sorry, but my translation skills suck. Please let me know if you know how to translate this song better.

Fireworks

So, the year 2012 is history and 2013 is here. I witnessed the arrival of the year 2013 in London, at the bank of Thames, watching fireworks shot from the London Eye.

But I am not going to talk about fireworks as such. But fireworks are a happy thing, that's probably why so many people go and see them. Although, in London, the Italian girl standing in the crowd next to me and my friend really wasn't happy. She probably didn't enjoy the crowd and was wearing silly shoes. But the other people next to as who were drinking champagne seemed very happy. Maybe life should involve more champagne and less ending up places where we don't want to be.

In 2013, I would like to be happy. The last time was really happy, was around the last New Year, when I was in Wales. But to be honest, 2012 was pretty rubbish. Mostly because I was unable to really enjoy anything. A lot of exciting things did happen: I graduated, went to Alaska, travelled around Scotland and started a new degree. But I wasn't able to feel excited about anything the way I know I used to be excited about things. I would like to be as happy as little kids when they run around and laugh. Just because I am not a child anymore, doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel sincerely happy and merry.

After the autumn term at university, half of which I was unable to concentrate on neither studying or social life, all I really needed was a break. I had had enough health problems, and I needed to find a way to enjoy life again. I started my holiday by pretty much (without really meaning to) sleeping through Christmas. I had been so tired without realising it. I had been on medication that made me extremely tired and I had been really stressed about whether I would be able to hand in my assignments. Sleep was definitely something I needed.

By the New Year I had a bit more energy and spent a couple of days wandering around London with one of my best friends. We had cheap chicken burgers for breakfast every morning and Chinese take away and pizza for dinner. We exploited our Oyster card by travelling around London on the underground, overground and buses. I bought police box shaped salt and pepper shakers at midnight. I tasted some bubble tea in Chinatown. It was like a non-milky milkshake with some slimy balls in it.

Today I had some red curry in a Glaswegian Thai restaurant. I like spicy food and would like to be able  to eat it. I also bought lipstick. I would like to be able to be brave enough to wear make-up more. I want to believe that if I do more things that I find fascinating, exciting and generally enjoyable, I will get more out of life. Although the massive joylessness of 2012 was partly or mostly due to other reasons, such as, depression, synthetic hormones, worries, generic health problems and loneliness, I would like to think that there are ways I can improve things this year.

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life this year. I am not sure if I am ready. But I feel better than I have felt for about a year. And that is a good sign.

Here is a music video about how even if you feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, you can still find the spark in you and open the door that leads you on the perfect road.

Yes, I do love Katy Perry and refer to her as my "favourite hottie" when I am really tired and have drank too much Irn Bru, but still the message of this song is pretty amazing. It gives me hope.