Moving on

Hello blog!

I'm writing (again) because I'm meant to be packing (again). Years ago, I wrote blog posts about how to pack. The reason why I wrote those was to inspire myself, because I really suck at packing. Mostly my strategy for packing is the following: 

1. Wait until I have only 20 minutes before my train leaves. 
2. Throw everything into a backpack. 

3. Realise that the backpack is too small.

4. Stuff the rest of the stuff into three smaller backs.

5. Somehow fasten all the bags around me.

6. Run to the train station.

7. Realise that I forgot pants, toothbrush, etc.

But this time the occasion for packing is different. This time I have to pack everything! 

I'm getting keys for a new flat tomorrow. It's like getting keys for my future life. 

Went for a flat viewing.

The reason why I originally started looking for a new place is that my landlord is going to sell the flat I'm living in. I had some time to mentally prepare for this, because my previous flatmate, who also happens to be the daughter of my landlord, warned me that her parents might want to sell the flat when she spontaneously moved to Switzerland after love.

Now, however, I am looking forward to getting away from this place, because this is where I experienced the suckiest year of my life. It has absolutely nothing to do with this flat, my ex flatmate or my landlord - they were all absolutely wonderful! I'm not moving anywhere as extreme as Switzerland - I'm only moving to the other side of the city, but the idea of getting out of here sounds relieving. It's like a whole new adventure!

This time, instead of living alone, I'm going to live with my girlfriend. We're going to be sambos - like they say in Sweden! I had to register that with the government, because my funding form asked for it. It felt fairly official. And as an added bonus, we're going to get a pet! My friend Kata is coming back to town!

Perhaps, technically she should be called a flatmate.

We're going to have a backyard, 2 coffee machines, a leather sofa (like Kata wanted), a hob and a roof over our heads. My favourite supermarket is going to be behind the corner and my least favourite street is going to be very far away. 

I will also have to register with a new General Practice. I'm hoping there will be more competent doctors than at my current one. I've had enough of these health problems and doctors who just keep giving me antidepressants and testing me for pregnancy and chlamydia. At least I can safely say, that I don't have STIs or people growing inside me. And I am not so depressed about it that I would need antidepressants for it. I just feel like they have wasted quite a lot of tax payers money on testing it when I could have just told them that I don't. And I still don't feel okay. I feel better than I did a year ago, but worse than two years ago. And I want to get fixed. I hope that my new GP will actually listen to me.

So new keys, new drugs, new housemates, new neighbourhood - here I come! After I get my suitcases packed.

Hey, How's it going!?

Life is crazy and I'm high on caffeine when I'm writing this. I went to see a psychiatrist this week. He asked a lot of really stupid questions and I told him that I don't want to see him again*. Well, that's not the whole story, but his claims got me thinking.

The reason why I haven't done much blog writing at all is that I am afraid to say things. It is scary to write down my thoughts for everyone to read, and I am worried I might offend people. I am also worried that people might find things I say inappropriate. But at the same time it's all a bit silly because I accidentally tend to offend people in real life all the time. And someone is always going to disagree with me no matter what I say – there is no way that everyone would like what I say! 
When I was in elementary school and we were learning percentages one calculation we were asked was: “How many people in your class like ice cream?” And we were not allowed to ask everyone, we were just meant to assume that everyone likes ice cream. It's really stupid to teach kids stuff like that. DIVERSITY! 

P.S. I don't like ice cream. Except Ben & Jerry's Baked Alaska. Or maybe something else during special moments when it's a hot summer day.

But maybe I should be braver about being me! I've accidentally stumbled across blogs and vlogs that have inspired me about this topic.

Jenna Marbles posted a video about it recently.

It is very different from her other videos, but has a very important message!

And yesterday I stumbled upon Lauren's blog.

It was inspiring. She writes in Finnish, but posts a lot of pictures too. She's provocative, sexual, open and not afraid to show who she is. Don't worry, there won't be any pornographic pictures of me here, but I might try and start to write more about my life here. And stop being so worried about shocking people. I shall post pictures of pants if I want to! Those who wish to disapprove may disapprove. The psychiatrist claimed that I should share more about myself with strangers. I am not sure what kind of mental healthcare tip that was supposed to be.

But to be honest, after finally coming out to mum, I should have the courage to write about my life and thoughts a little bit more openly here too!

Picture of me when I used to be brave.

Anyway, the point of this post was to let you know that I have decided to try and be a little bit braver, and a little bit more openly me from now on. The scary thing is that all the negativity from people is so much more hurtful when they can see all the real you. I'll let you know how it goes and whether I would recommend it or not.

* I don't have anything against psychiatrists and I am in favour of mental healthcare, but I have no idea where this one got his qualifications from. Even my cat understands people and psychology better than him.

The sea turned violent

I haven't been writing recently due to a mixture of reasons. Real life has not been as amazing this autumn as I thought it would be and I was hoping that something wonderful would happen so that I could write about it, instead of having to write about bras or to write something that will be completely contradictory to my previous post. There are other reasons as well, one of them being that I have finally experienced the mysterious migraines – I used to wonder what they were like when I was little and heard about them the first time. They sounded so adult like back then. Now after falling totally behind with my studies due to a two-week long, intense experience of them I feel no need to deepen my empirical knowledge about them.

I am not quite sure what I hoped to achieve this autumn but I feel like my life has not been as exciting as I hoped it would be. I went to uni, I went to work, I ate, I took D vitamin tablets, I slept. I carried on doing the same things, everyday, as well as I could while life kept throwing other emotional and physical challenges on my way. Sometimes I felt tired and lonely. I had “too much” uni work to do, and hadn't managed to make new friends when the old ones had left the town. Sometimes, but more and more rarely, I found an evening or a lunch time to meet up with an old friend. I kept dreaming about holidays when I wouldn't have to do all the everyday life things and I would have energy to do enjoyable things.

But life is hard and everyone seems quite unhappy. Most of the conversations I have involve people complaining about work, weather, life, politics, relationships, people in general or about anything really. Why is it so difficult for us to be happy? Is being happy something too childish for us? Kids are happy, but when we grow up we have to be all responsible and there is no space for happiness, we just need to worry about things.

I do all this myself as well. A lot of the time I am not really happy. I complain a lot. And I worry. I would like to know how to be happy. I would like to write blog posts about how to be happy. But right now I have no idea. I have faint memories of once, a long time ago, sitting on my bed in the middle of the night, listening to songs about marshmallows. I remember being happy back then.

I talked about this to a friend, who pointed out one thing about seeking happiness. When people discover something that will make them happy, and decide to act on it to reach out for it, there is normally a large group of unhappy people – silently or vocally – judging them.

The reason of this blog post is not to make everyone depressed about all the unhappiness in the world, although I am very distressed about it at the moment. I might get over this and discover little happy things, such as wrist warmers*, and start blogging about them again. This post probably has no other meaning but to make people aware of the fact that they should try and enjoy even the little things in life that might seem meaningless (like woolly socks) more and take care of each other even if they feel that they are too busy. Because if they feel too busy, they are probably not too busy. Have a tea break with that person you are always too busy to talk to.

*My hands and feet have never been this cold before. I got rid of migraines but the side-effect of these pills is that my already bad peripheral circulation is getting even worse.

Less than a month left

Hello people!

As you can see, I changed my blog background, isn't it magical? Seriously, let me know if it's too bright, too dark or in some other way irritating.

Okay, and to the topic, I have less than a month left. After that I can get my life back, move into a closet and feel like a Harry Potter. But before that I have to write 10,000 words about how amazing Greenland is. I hate writing posts relating to my dissertation, but it is the biggest thing I've have to do in my life so far. If I will ever end up having a baby, I would probably blog about that too. But because a dissertation is a lot less exciting than a baby, I will try and not blog too much about it. But today it felt important to tell you that I have less than a month to go before the deadline because it is due 16th December. I wish I had more time and more motivation. I look forward to having it handed in. I hope I will get it handed in.

And yes, now when I have updated you with all that, never ever ask me how it is going. I will tell you if I feel like talking about it. But you will be happy to hear that, (unfortunately to me, for now) there are many more delightful topics to talk about. For instance, some of my recent favourite topics are: burlesque, candy floss, hot water bottles, pokémons, transgenderism, chocolate, lingerie, my belated surprise birthday party that you will organise, cats, awesome food, Doctor Who, Finland's presidential election, vodka, ironing, vitamins I should take, pretty people, your wedding, and the day when it's not normal for me to be awake at 3:30 in the morning. What are yours?

Happy second half of November to you, enjoy hot chocolate or large cups of tea and good luck with whatever you're struggling in your life right now!

Anti-stress strategy

 Hello people!

Last week I wrote about my coffee break while I was stressing about my dissertation. Well, I've since then come to a conclusion that stressing is bad and unhelpful. My stress didn't make the books that I needed miraculously appear on the shelves in the library nor did the maths I had to do get any easier. Therefore, this week I'm going to tell you about my new strategy: not stressing.

This week has been great. I went to a few Halloween parties at the weekend and then heard on Tuesday that some Christians despise Halloween. I ended up creating a personal theological dilemma because of this, and threw my Christmas into a bin. I then had a wonderful midnight conversation with a friend and picked the Christmas back up again. I now know approximately what I'm going to do this Christmas and it won't be stressful at all. (Well, apart from the Christmas shopping.)

Because my dissertation was not getting anywhere, thanks to the lack of books I needed and the diagram that I was convinced was wrong, I decided to have a break from it and write an essay for another course. My essay topic was interesting and it was all good, except that actually writing it sounded very tiring.

But then because the university' rector elections coming up, someone called Matt Bell put posters up about getting rid of the unisex toilets in the library.

This lead me to do a lot of reading about toilets and how they should or could be separated. And I ended up joining the “Unisex Toilet Appreciation Group” on Facebook. But someone posted a Youtube link there. And I watched the video. And then I watched another video that Youtube recommended me. And this went on for quite a while and in the end I found myself watching all the videos that someone had posted there (they didn't have anything to do with toilets) and realised that I was developing a really unhealthy crush on someone I had never met and will never meet. But hey, I was happy! And definitely not stressed.

And I'm still happy, and now I'm actually more willing to write my essay and dissertation because I'm not stressed about it. I guess sometimes you just have to have a break from your work and do something really stupid that and potentially embarrassing.

I would also like to tell you that blog writing helps, because I am writing. And the more I write, the more used to I get to write and it will therefore be easier to write thousands of words.

Both of my flatmates are participating in the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) contest, which I find a little bit depressing because they are writing thousands of words each day and I can't write my assignments that fast. But writing is good. Keep writing. You may start by writing me a comment.