I really didn't want to post this, because I want to be a person who doesn't hate. But I am struggling with that and am confused why. So I decided to write about it. Maybe it will help me to get over it. I gave myself a love therapy session here earlier and it helped. So maybe this will too. But I warn you, it will be a rant. If you came here looking for something sophisticated, you won't find it here.
I'm far from perfect and apparently have many insecurities that I'm trying to work on. In general I really like people. Many people inspire me and I want to learn from their good qualities and develop myself to become better. I want to see the good in people.
But sometimes I have a bad day and feel disappointed and it's just not that easy. And I catch myself thinking bad and unhelpful thoughts. For example, the other day, I was watching a Finnish reality TV show Au Pairit Los Angelesissa ("Au pairs in Los Angeles"), and noticed that I thought that one of the girls had a terrible style. She wore a lot of really cakey make-up and spider-like fake lashes, and I just didn't like that type of make-up. But then I thought about it and realised how judgemental I was. She was a teenager which is the best time to try out absolutely any style! She clearly liked her style and it was the way she expressed herself — actually she was great and really smart! After that realisation she became my favourite person in the series. I absolutely hate the fact how quickly I judged her in the first place based on her appearance. Just because I personally wouldn't use some sort of make-up doesn't mean that there's something wrong with that style.
Maybe I was so quick to judge after I was bullied at school, which has made me nervous around certain kind of people. And suspicious about certain appearances. It's crazy and I should try to learn to be less judgemental. And I most definitely don't hate any of my bullies. I wouldn't even be able to name them if I had to.
But there are two people I still do hate. And I don't know what to do about that. So here I am to confess you everything about my unhelpful thoughts.
The first person really angers me. A few years ago, I was suffering from depression and was really lonely. I asked her if she would like to meet up for a cup of coffee with me sometime. We had previously spoken about that, so it wasn't out of the blue. Although, of course in UK you sometimes suggest meeting up when you don't really mean it. But still, I thought I'd ask because I really needed more pleasant activities in my day and a human to talk to. We were messaging about how we were doing and I was honest with her, about my anxiety and depression. She said that other people's company helps with that. So I asked her if she would like to meet me for coffee because at the time I didn't feel like I had other people I could just meet like that. And then she told me that I should just go to therapy and get professional help and take a gap year. And honestly, I had tried to get to therapy but the queue was 2 years long. It can be difficult for a healthy person to understand how difficult it is to find and get professional help for mental health issues. Often you have to be self-destructive to even get on the waiting list. But I didn't want her to be my therapist. I just wanted to have coffee with a real human being. I am still hurt and angry about that and I hate her. I hate her! And I don't know why. But I never told her how much her words hurt me. She's still my Facebook friend and she keeps posting really inconsiderate and self-boasting comments on Facebook. But maybe I am just so annoyed with everything she posts because I have such strong feelings about that incident and her. I have considered deleting her, but I'm not sure if that's the best solution.
She reminds me of another person I used to hate. There was a similar incident around the same time, when I was really sad about having no one in my life. I was so depressed and slightly suicidal and I was crying at someone else's home, because I just didn't want to go home alone. And I was told to leave. And I wasn't even angry because I was told to leave. I completely understand how annoying it must have been to have me around that day. I was angry because she told someone who was crying and suicidal to go away. You should never do that. You take the time to make them a cup of tea. If you don't have time to listen to them, you tell them that they are welcome to stay as long as they need to, even if you are busy. Or you make other arrangements. You make sure they are okay to walk home. WHATEVER. Never, walk pass a crying lonely person, offer a tissue. Never leave a suicidal person alone. Would you walk pass a person ready to jump of a bridge? Would you kick out a suicidal person? If so, it's very likely that I will hate you.
At least for a moment. I don't actually hate her anymore, I don't have such feelings towards her, but I still haven't forgiven her for kicking out a suicidal person, even though I have forgiven her kicking out me.
The other person I notice myself hating hasn't actually done anything like that. She didn't invite me to her Hallowe'en party once, which is hardly a reason to even dislike someone. But I get these same angry and hateful feelings about her when I see things she posts on Facebook. (Because Facebook obviously is the place where the social things happen with people you don't actually see in real life anymore.) And I really used to like her. I've written a blog post in my less public blog about how much I missed her when I was on a summer holiday. And I used to be so happy to see her. But after that Hallowe'en party incident something changed and now everything about her annoys me. Do I need some therapy again? Or should I perhaps just delete her on Facebook and forget about her like she's forgotten about me?
Wow, I sound really shallow and bitter. I am not proud of this. I just want to let go so bad.
But yes, unfortunately, there are two people I still hate, but I am working on it. People suck and I need to accept it and get over it. This post really sucked. Maybe next time I'll tell you about people I love.
So now it's time for the second part of this 2014 reminiscing thing I thought I'd do. In case you missed the first half, here's months January - June.
...So what happened in the autumn 2014?
July
July started with a trip to the vet. My cat died, and we buried him. I was very sad. I also spent a lot of time with my family members and best friends while I was still in Finland. I went to see my brother's first own flat, went strawberry picking with my sister and went to the Moominland with my best friends and goddaughter. Soon it was time to get back home to Scotland, but the weather was actually really lovely and warm so I got to go to the beach a couple of times before that! After that the rest of the month was just routine: working either early mornings or afternoons and getting home really late.
These picture collages actually make my time in Finland look really long. It was actually less than two weeks, but it just happened to be the end of June and beginning of July and the most significant thing that happened to me in the summer.
August
August was actually pretty cool. I discovered my new favourite beer: Tsingtao 青島啤酒廠, a Chinese beer. There was also Aurora International Festival 2014 : a group of French folk dancers travelled from Toulouse to Aberdeen by bus (!) to perform their dances and to experience the Scottish culture. I went to a couple of their events and had a great time - they were such lovely people!
But the best thing in August was Manchester Pride Festival. It was such an amazing and well organised event! They had so many things going on and the whole Manchester Gay Village was accessible only with the festival wristband (which was really cheap considering all the events included in it!) which made it feel really safe as well. During a regular weekend, Manchester is fantastic compared to Aberdeen. Instead of one gay bar you get a whole street full of them plus a couple of extras but during the Pride Weekend it was just incredible! I spoke to one straight girl who had come to the festival just because she thought it would be a great event and she was so excited she said she would come back next year too. (So that's this year! Who wants to come with me?!) It was like one of these big all-weekend music festivals that I've been to before in my life but with all sorts of amazing extras. And really good performers. I'm so excited I saw Heather Peace, Foxes and Conchita Wurst. From front row. ... Aaahhh!
Also, I sent my mum a postcard from Pride. That's something I thought I'd never do. Last time I went to a Pride Festival I had to lie to her and claim that I went somewhere else.
September
Carrying on with this theme of each months highlight being a trip somewhere: September was about Crete. I had never been to a beach holiday before. I had actually never travelled anywhere where it would be sunny or warm. My previous holiday destinations have ranged between Alaskan tundra, an uninhabited island in the middle of the North Sea, Germany in the winter etc. So I guess you can imagine my excitement? And perhaps understand that only 5% of the clothes I packed were actually even suitable for such weather conditions. It was so hot. What is that madness of not needing a jacket? Even in the evening? Mediterranean was such a beautiful and lovely place. I smothered myself with sun screen and enjoyed the sun and a few great cocktails. I was so pleased with the expensive sandals I had bought for this trip. I didn't want to wear anything else during this trip.
That trip was just so much more amazing than the new green coke – Coca-Cola Life – that has 37% less white sugar because it has been replaced by Stevia sugar. But it was probably the most exciting thing in my life to happen in September besides the holiday. I mean, green coke. What is that?
October
October was wet. Very wet. And I was getting a bit tired. I went swimming, but it was pretty much the only excitement in my life. I felt a bit lonely as well. I was working only evenings anymore which I didn't really like – I preferred to have a mixture of late and early shifts. I wasn't really happy with how things were in my life. I started applying for new jobs and funding to go back to uni.
November
In November I got early shifts again and got to run to work with the bunnies before dawn! It made me feel so much better. I was also feeling really Christmassy since at work there had been all sorts of Christmas stuff going on for over a month already. So I put our Christmas tree up mid-November and listened to a lot of Christmas music. I also attended my work's Christmas party which was quite an experience... Before that I, however, had a sophisticated day trip to Fraserburgh's Lighthouse Museum which I would like to visit again, because we didn't actually have enough time to go and see the actual lighthouse.
Finland's government passed the equal marriage law which was a good reason for a wee celebration and some bubbly wine! It went well with some fajitas and a good lesbian movie Better Than Chocolate.
I also had another successful job interview! I decided not to take it though because I also got money to go back to university.
December
December was fabulous. I quit my job and flew to Finland where I spent the first three days sweating and having problems breathing because the houses were so warm and the air was so very dry. And then there was snow! And my brother had a new kitten! And I went on a Turku-Stockholm party cruise twice! And there was Christmas and I loved all the lovely Christmas trees and all the yummy food!
I also turned 25 in December which is a bit scary because it's a quarter of a century which makes me sound really old. Like should I be sensible and know what I'm doing in life? I know nothing. But it's OK. I had a small birthday outing on my actual birthday but it ended up being like a double date in a table reserved for 10 people in a restaurant. It was a bit embarrassing, but at least the most important people were there. So much for those friends who didn't show up. But Tiia offered me a birthday dinner in a fancy restaurant when I arrived in Finland and afterwards we went to see Turku Christmas market!
I also liked that silly white T-shirt. I took that picture when I first saw it before Christmas and bought it later in January sales. Now I can wear it and be creepy.
The end.
Okay, life goes on, and 2015 looks fairly promising!
"Is it impossible for you to keep your leg straight?" asked my yoga teacher last week.
In other words, I've started yoga again.
The Hatha vinyasa yoga class I attended last time is not running anymore, but I remember that it was good for me. It was physically very hard but I noticed development in my fitness. I was able to do more and more in each session! The main focus of vinyasa yoga was in breathing though, which I still am incredibly bad at.
This time I am attending a Iengar-style yoga class where the main focus is in bodily alignment. I'm most definitely the worst yogi in the class. My posture is incredibly bad and I have no sense of how to align my body. But I'm not attending this class to be a good yogi, I'm attending it to become a better yogi. There's really no point trying to compare myself to others. But I try to develop myself and improve my skills. I am so incredibly wonky — if I learn to even keep my leg straight, it would be an improvement. My goal is to learn to stand up straight though, it would be fantastic and probably a lot better for me! To get there I will really have to develop my muscle strength though.
What surprised me again was actually how physically hard yoga is. I mean, I am very unfit and really did need some serious exercise. Still, just face-planting at my yoga mat while everyone else was doing some fancy postures was quite a humbling experience.
Have you tried yoga?
*I'm doing the postures presented in the pictures completely wrong. My teacher would cry to see these. They are here for the comedy value only.
This post has nothing to do with December. I just wanted to tell you why it's great to be a woman. I mean, a human.
This thought process started when I read one Finnish online article. A Finnish "popular lifestyle" website asked some women to list aspects of life where that they think men have it better. And because I tend to take these funny things seriously, I decided to write a very long blog post about it, talking about all of these 34 points. Are you ready?
Apparently these women are jealous about the following things:
1. No need to suffer from menstruation.
Itsestäänselvyys: ei tarvitse kärsiä menkoista.
Well, obviously it can be painful which sucks, but after I discovered menstrual cups it has become the only bad thing about it. No need to wear uncomfortable bleached plastic nappies (also known as menstrual pads) in my underpants or to push chemical-infused cotton sticks (also known as tampons) inside me. Periods are not stopping me from doing anything. I've spent a week menstruating on an uninhabited island without toilets, running water or electricity. I survived.
Plus by having periods you can make sure that there's no unexpected babies in their way. Men don't have that benefit.
2. No need to shave your legs.
Ei tarvitse ajella sääriä.
Honestly, I don't even remember when was the last time I shaved my legs. I go swimming at the local pool a couple of times a week though. No one has stopped me. No one has even looked at my legs that I've noticed. Why do women feel they have to shave their legs? Last summer my legs were very fluffy until I went swimming with my little sister. I removed some of the hair before that trip just because I didn't feel fluffy legs were appropriate at a Finnish beach site, but it was my choice. No one should force you to shave your legs.
Some men may become more charming with age, but so do some women. It's up to you what you want to become in the future. You can become charming when you want to and then you can develop your charm. It doesn't just happen to people — no matter what your gender is.
4. Your not embarrassed when you grow a moustache.
Ei hävetä, jos viikset kasvaa.
Maybe more women should be proud of their moustaches. Those huge bushy eyebrows are already in fashion, why won't we do the same with moustaches? Women do have hair in that area too, it's just often very fair. Some grow darker hair and then get it bleached or waxed. It's seen as a very embarrassing and taboo topic. I don't see a reason why it couldn't be seen as cute. We need to stop being embarrassed about our looks.
5. Barber costs less than a hairdresser, and you don't need to waste money on hairproducts anyway.
Parturi maksaa vähemmän kuin kampaaja, eikä rahaa tarvitse tuhlata hiustuotteisiin muutenkaan.
Do these women really think that men don't use hair styling products? I'm guessing that it's around the same percentage of men and women who do style their hair almost daily. I'm getting closer to some hippie-look with my hair and will just happily brush it. I don't even know what I would do with it. I tried to learn to straighten it, but then didn't see the point. It's naturally wavy, what's wrong with that?
I actually do find it unfair though, that men's haircuts are cheaper than women's. Even if it is exactly the same haircut. Why would your gender matter there? Shouldn't the hairstyle you want be the main factor deciding the price?
6. No need to blow-dry your hair in the mornings, style your hair or put make-up on
Ei tarvitse föönata tukkaa aamuisin ja väkertää hiuksia kampauksille, eikä meikata.
I've never felt a need to blow-dry my hair in the morning or make my life that difficult anyway. Everyone needs to get ready in the morning and what you need to do probably depends more on whether you're just popping to the corner shop or going to someone's wedding. It doesn't really have anything to do with your gender. There are many men who take longer than me straightening their hair and putting their make-up on than I do.
7. You can have children without streching your stomach or ripping your genitals.
Voi saada lapsia ilman, että vatsanahka leviää ja sukuelimet repeää.
Giving birth does have those aspects, yes. But it's not something all women have to do. Of course, some men are able to give birth as well. Adoption is a fair option available for everyone too though. But in general it is more difficult to have children as a single man than it is as a single woman.
8. Naturally smaller percentage of fat. No cellulite. Not fair.
Luonnostaan pienempi rasvaprosentti, ei selluliittiä. Ei ole reilua.
And none of those fantastic feminine shapes either.
9. Small phone bills. You don't have to waste time talking about nonsense.
Pienet puhelinlaskut. Omaa aikaa ei tarvitse tuhlata turhuuksista pälättämiseen.
Seriously? These women need to rethink their priorities. If you need to spend hours on phone talking about stupid things without enjoying it, it has nothing to do with gender. It's just your own stupidity.
10. Men can pee almost everywhere. It's also less embarrassing for men to go to the toilet.
Miehet voi pissiä melkein mihin tahansa. Vessassa käyminen ei muutenkaan aiheuta niin noloja tilanteita kuin naiselle.
What? Why is it embarrassing to go to the toilet if your a woman? And I think it shouldn't be acceptable to pee in public for men either. It's also possible for all genders to go and pee in a bush.
11. A man doesn't get upset or end up in pointless fights if he's not invited to a party or a shopping trip.
Mies ei loukkaannu tai joudu turhiin riitoihin, jos häntä ei ole kutsuttu juhliin tai shoppailemaan.
I think it would be upsetting to anyone to have everyone else invited except you.
12. Shopping doesn't take up much time.
Shoppailu sujuu nopeasti.
I think this depends more on the type of person you are. If you enjoy browsing shops it will take longer no matter what your gender is. And if you just want to go in and get what you need it will be faster. Unless you're me and shopping in Sainsbury's. Then it will take hours, but it's not because I'm a girl — it's because I don't know where anything I need is.
From Sex and the City.
13. You can wear comfortable shoes even in festive events.
Voi käyttää mukavia kenkiä juhlissakin.
I would never go to a party in uncomfortable shoes. Women don't have to wear high heels. I like high heels, but always prefer to wear comfortable high heels.
14. It's easy to get dressed to a party. Even to your own wedding a good quality suit is enough and you can wear that same suit to all the future festive events.
Juhlapukeutuminen on helppoa: omiin häihinkin riittää laadukas puku, jota voi pitää tulevissakin kekkereissä.
As far as I'm aware many women do dream of choosing their white dress, so I don't think that's something they are really jealous about. Also one good quality black dress will keep you covered to most festive events if you don't prefer to choose something different.
15. It's easier to make a career as a fighter pilot or a fireman.
Helpompaa toteuttaa haave vaikka urasta hävittäjälentäjänä tai palomiehenä.
I couldn't make a career as a fighter pilot because of my bad eye sight. I'm sure my brother would have the same problem. It is true that in the job market it is more difficult as a woman, but there's also a problem that many women don't pursue these careers.
16. Saving money! You don't have to spend money on menstrual pads or tampons. Or bras. Or make-up and other cosmetics.
Rahansäästö! Ei tarvitse laittaa rahaa kuukautissiteisiin ja tamponeihin. Eikä rintaliiveihin. Eikä meikkeihin ja muuhun kosmetiikkaan.
Lady, guess what? You don't have to spend money on any of those things either. I bought a £20 mooncup that will keep me sorted for the next 10 years on the menstrual front. I do like to buy bras though, because I like to feel supported. I've also spent most of my money that didn't go into food or rent on cosmetics, not because I felt I had to but because they made me happy. I'm starting to question my values on this and am planning on stopping buying so much.
17. Life without tights.
Elämä ilman sukkahousuja.
I can't imagine a life without tights. I don't wear trousers so tights are kind of necessary for me. I just wish they were cheaper and wouldn't break as easily. Women are allowed to wear trousers though if they don't like tights. It's unfortunately a bit socially questionable for men to wear tights today.
Robin Hood: Men in tighs is a very good film though, if you need some entertainment in your life.
18. You survive with fewer clothes when travelling.
Pärjää vähemmällä vaatemäärällä reissussa.
I have a funny feeling that if I went travelling with a guy, my clothes would take up less space. First, most guys boxers appear to take more space than my tops. And what I have seen of many men's packing skills, they have a lot of unnecessary space in their bags. When I was travelling with my brother, I had some things that didn't fit in my suitcase anymore, and asked him if I could put them into his bigger suitcase. He said that there was no space but that I was allowed to try anyway. And then I put a blanket, 3 jumpers and several pairs of shoes into his suitcase without any problems.
19. Men are likely to get an orgasm more easily.
Saa todennäköisesti helpommin orgasmin.
But apparently those orgasms are not as amazing as those fantastic female-orgasms you can read about.
20. Sports news. As a man you're more likely to be interested in sports and sports news are often well-covered amongst the most important news in the country. Also, if you're a male athlete you get to enjoy bigger audiences, reputation and pay, than as female athlete.
Urheilu-uutiset. Miehenä on naista todennäköisemmin kiinnostunut urheilusta, ja siitä kerrotaankin kattavasti joka päivä valtakunnan tärkeimpien uutisaiheiden joukossa. Lisäksi mikäli olet itse miesurheilija, saat nauttia paljon suuremmista katsojamääristä, maineesta ja palkkiorahoista kuin naisena.
The latter is true. But maybe sports news shouldn't be something to be jealous about. Not all men are interested in sports anyway.
21. As a man it's easier to carry your shopping bags and you're able to throw a ball further.
Miehenä jaksaaa kantaa kauppakassit ja heittää palloa pidemmälle.
Testosterone is great.
22. You can hold your drink better. And people have more tolerance for drunken men than drunken women.
Parempi viinapää. Eivätkä ihmiset katso kännistä miestä yhtä pahalla kuin viinanhuuruista naista.
It's to do with that body fat percentage thing. But I'm not sure about the social tolerance thing, because drunken idiot is a drunken idiot no matter what the gender is. Or what do you think?
23. You don't have to suffer with uncomfortable bras that are the wrong size.
Ei tarvitse kärsiä hiertävistä/vääränkokoisista rintaliiveistä.
24. You don't have to take the contraceptive pill.
Ei tarvitse syödä e-pillereitä.
No one has to. They are given to women as if they were candy or some miracle drug that everyone should take. It is not. It is one effective method of contraception but it's not the only option out there. It's also possible to make a male contraception pill but no one is going to fund that project because testing would take so long that it's not worth it for any pharmaceutical company to do that because the female contraceptive pill already exists. It was barely tested before they gave it to women — now there are more strict regulations in place.
I mentioned a little bit about my experiences with the pill in this post.
25. It's taken for granted that your last name will always remain the same.
On itsestäänselvyys, että sukunimi säilyy aina omana.
In many countries, including Finland, men can choose to take their wives last name when they get married. It's all optional, families are not forced to have the same last name.
26. Thicker skin that doesn't age as fast.
Paksumpi iho, joka ei ikäänny yhtä nopeasti.
I don't understand this argument. Surely the skin ages no matter how thick it is? Hormones do affect the skin, so often men do have thicker skin and women have softer skin. But women tend to make aging a huge deal and spend loads of money on different serums and creams that promise anti-aging properties. Maybe it's just another pressure on women needing to look perfect and young always, so it's something they want to feel jealous about? I don't think any of those women want to have a thicker skin though.
27. Army stories.
Armeijatarinat.
In Finland, it's compulsory for all men to take part in military service (or civil service, or go to prison). For women it is optional. I met one of my best friends, Jonna, in the army, when we had a one-weekend introductory camp there. We do still look back to those times and think about all the good memories, when having a fika. I can understand that men who have spent 6-12 months in the military service would do that to even a greater extent. But women, we have nothing to feel jealous about — we have an option to join the army!
28. You are able to order a giantic meal in a restaurant without needing to worry what your dinner partner will think about it.
Voit tilata ravintolassa hirmuiset jättiannokset eteesi ilman, että alat pohtia sitä miltä mässäilysi näyttää illalliskumppanisi silmissä.
If I'm hungry and I want to order something, I will not care what anyone else will think about it. Seriously.
29. A high number of sex partners is only a positive thing.
Seksikumppaneiden korkea määrä on vain positiivinen asia kanssaihmisten silmissä.
If you're a straight man and your mates think it's cool and you really care about that, then maybe? But maybe your future girlfriend won't find it any cooler than you would find it if she had the same number of sex partners.
30. Your voice has more auhtority.
Äänessä on enemmän auktoriteettia.
It's more up to your personality than your gender.
31. A man, who can't dance can be adorable, but a woman who can't dance is only embarrassing.
Mies, joka ei osaa tanssia, voi olla hellyyttävä näky, mutta huonosti tanssiva nainen on vain noloa.
Why are the women who made up this list so convinced that being a woman is embarrassing?
Personally, I only like to go to night clubs where everyone is happy to dance badly and "embarrassingly". It's only for fun! At many straight clubs the dance floor is only meant for people who are skilled dancers and if some one looks like Ross and Monica from The Friends it's only embarrassing. Lighten up people, have more fun! Being skilled at laughing at yourself and having fun will earn you more life time happiness points than laughing at other people will.
32. Apparently you dare to ask for a pay rise more easily.
Kuulemma kehtaa pyytää palkankorotusta helpommin.
You cannot really be jealous about something that you start with the word "apparently".
33. Men's clothes last longer: in the sense of quality and fashion. Miesten vaatteet kestävät paremmin aikaa sekä laatunsa että tyylinsä puolesta.
Maybe men only buy better quality clothes and prefer classic styles? As a woman you're just as allowed to buy good quality clothes that represent classic styles. 34. Men have balls: in their attitude and also literally. Miehissä on munaa: sekä asenteessa että ihan konkreettisesti.
Women can have balls too. In their attitude and also literally.
Any thoughts? Do you think other genders have it easier?
Eh, I've been playing Singstar. I'm really bad at singing, but unfortunately I really like to sing. Don't worry, I won't upload any videos of me singing here. Instead I will tell you about a couple of amazing songs I've discovered while playing this popular PlayStation game.
Recently we discovered that you can buy songs in Singstar and I wanted to buy this one so that I could practise Swedish:
Haha, this song is so much fun! Especially when you do the dance while you sing it. It's okay, I don't know what they sing about either... Something about four chewing gums and a Coca-Cola.
Do you want to live and do you want to dance?
Do you have the courage to laugh and to take a chance?
That's what life is all about right?
That song makes me so happy. We also bought another song which is not Sweden's Eurovision entry from 1987. But it is another awesome song from Sweden.
This is fantastic! Why did no one tell me about Amanda Jenssen before?
I don't know why I'm so excited, but maybe I just have a thing for really femme girls with a hint of masculinity? I'm glad that no one's tried to create statistics of how many times a day I look at a picture of Katy Perry. Eh, I'm only slightly obsessed.
People say that I drink too much
But I'm as happy as I can be
Hanging by my amarula tree
Amarula Tree is also a very happy song. Kind of hippieish. I haven't listened to Amanda Jenssen enough to say, if all of her songs are like that, but at the moment she reminds me a lot of Sandi Thom.
I love this song! I love everything about it. It was my favourite in 2008. Okay, okay, Sandi Thom is not from Sweden, she's from Aberdeenshire. But in my last post I said that I need more reasons for being enthusiastic for living here. And this definitely is one.
I think the world would be a better place if everyone would listen to more happy songs. I mean seriously, why are most Finnish songs so depressing? Most folk songs are fairly depressing too, they just play them as if they were happy.
Do you know what that means? It's okay, I didn't know either, but apparently it's a really cool thing now. Bloggers and vloggers everywhere are posting "outfit of the day"-pictures and videos. I thought it time for me to join those cool people.
I have a feeling that no one would care what I wear everyday, which most days is either pyjamas or a pink leopard onesie. And after this post you'll understand why it's better that I don't try to be a fashion blogger. But because I started this new hobby I, recently went shopping for some yoga outfits. Now when I don't have the scary, sleazy teacher anymore, I thought it would be nice to have some better yoga outfits.
My yoga outfit.
And this is what I bought!
I don't actually wear the socks in the class, but my toes are very private and I don't think it's suitable to show them to the whole world. Only people I'm married to are allowed to see them. And so far, no one is.
I could have shown you each piece of clothing individually, but I have a feeling that no one actually cares. Please let me know, if you happen to do.
But basically I bought a fake sports bra, which gives absolutely no support, but looks pretty and sporty. I wear it on top of my real sports bra, which is a lot less pretty. Is that how it's supposed to be worn, or does someone actually wear it as a bra?
Then I have a grey sports vest which is so low cut that you can see the fake sports bra. And because sometimes you get cold when you practise yoga in Scotland, I also have that baggy long sleeved thing. It's sides are made out of seethrough net, so that it looks cool.
These were all bought from Primark's Sports department. I went to Primark mostly because I'm afraid of real sports stores because I don't actually know anything about sports. They all seem to be branded and expensive. Even the Primark Sports section was too much for me when it was time to decide what I should wear for my bottom half. I moved to a safer department and bought My Little Pony pyjama bottoms. I think they go very nicely with the rest of the outfit.
What do you think of my yoga oufit? What would you wear for a yoga class?
I've had pretty awful time poking my eye over the past week, so I thought I'd come here and tell you about it.
As I told you in November, I've had glasses since I was 2, but only recently started wearing them more often. I had an enjoyable glass-free decade, but it's gone now.
To be honest, I find glasses fairly annoying now. They slide down my nose when I read, and they get dirty all the time, and it makes me feel like the world looks blurrier than it does without my glasses. If I was rich, I would buy those amazing disposable glass-cleaning wipes, but they are really expensive and I also hate cumulating rubbish. One day soon, when I'm less annoyed with my eyes and more annoyed with rubbish, I will tell you ways how you could cumulate less rubbish too.
Occasionally I leave the house looking like this.
But anyway, the time for me to try out contact lenses is here.
I've been considering posting a video of myself talking English, but before I do that I thought I'd tell you how I learned English. I've briefly mentioned about my language learning techniques before, but never in much detail. So I thought I'd tell you know how I learned English.
I hope this post will be inspiring for those who feel they aren't very good at languages. You don't have to be good at languages to be able to speak them. You just have to forget that you can't do it and go and talk to some people who speak the language you're trying to learn. Or that's what I did anyway.
Scottish gear.
School
My Finnish school tried to teach me English since I was 7. I was very good at school – in everything except English. English was the one subject that I was always failing at. I was very worried that I would have to repeat a year, because I couldn't pass in English. I always managed to pass it somehow though. Occasionally, maybe out of pity.
On seventh grade, when I was 12, I started learning Swedish. A year after that I started learning French. And a year after that something meaningful happened. One of the girls in my school asked me to do her English homework because she hadn't done it and didn't have time to do everything before her class. I told her that I couldn't do it because I don't know any English (I was still just barely passing my English classes). But I tried anyway, and after her class she thanked me because I had filled in her exercises correctly. That's when I realised that I had actually started learning English.
I believe that learning Swedish and French had helped me a lot. I had always wanted to learn languages and because I hadn't learned English I had chosen other languages that I thought might be easier and really put some effort into learning them. But turns out that learning one language really helps you learn another. Once you learn how languages work, it will be easier to understand a language.
I took part in a Nordic exchange program and hosted a Danish boy while I was at school.
Languages are not just sets of words tied together with different grammar rules. Language is something that people use to communicate with each other. Language is a tool for expressing yourself. Language is a frame for our thoughts. There are things you can't translate from one language to another. You need to understand things about the culture in order to learn a language properly. You can't know every word in any language. And you don't have to speak grammatically correctly in order to get understood.
Language exchanges
Although I wasn't good at languages, I always really wanted to travel and see the world. There are so many organisations that offer language exchanges for teenagers. My family never travelled abroad on holidays so the language exchange organisations offered me opportunities to travel and see the world on my own. And I probably got a better deal, because it gives you a better chance to learn about foreign cultures and to use the language if you live in a host family, than if you just stay in a tourist hotel with your own family.
Sweden
When I was 14 I travelled to Sweden, because although I had been studying Swedish for a lot shorter time than English, I felt that my Swedish was stronger than my English. I was incredibly scared to travel to a foreign country alone and to live with a family I had never met before. I was there for 2 weeks. My job was to work at a farm and to experience what Sweden is like. There were 8 Nordic kids there, 2 from each country. I met wonderful people there and apparently somehow managed to communicate with the others. I can remember things we've spoken about but can't even remember what language I used or how on earth I was able to talk about those things.
When I was 16, I wanted to become an exchange student and go to New Zealand. It, however, was too expensive for my family. Instead I got a chance to go on a language course in Oxford, England! Originally I was meant to go with a friend, but then she wasn't able to go. But because it is so easy to make new friends on language courses I went alone. And to be honest, I think it's better that I went alone. Maybe if I had had a friend with me I wouldn't have been so open and willing to get to know people. Language-wise the trip maybe wasn't the most useful because almost all the people I made friends with were Finns. But for my self-confidence this trip made a huge difference. For the first time I had a chance to meet new people who didn't know anything about me. No rumours, no gossip, no worries that someone might judge them if they talked to me. I made friends. It was incredible. I loved the people I met and I loved Oxford. And I wanted to return to UK one day.
So much love.
Denmark and Germany
When I was 17 I did a couple of youth exchanges in a row. I spent a week in Denmark and then one month in Germany. I spoke English with Danish and German people and we managed to communicate with each other. That's the whole purpose of a language. I also learned to understand German!
Time for making future plans
When I was 18, I graduated from upper secondary school (high school / reading school / whateveryouwannacallit school). It was time to figure out what I wanted to do next. Big secret: I had no idea what I wanted to do next.
I had great dreams of becoming an air hostess or a lorry driver or anything to do with travel. But Finnair stated that you must be 22 before you can start training. I considered joining the army and getting all sorts of driving licenses there (because it would be just cool to drive a tank, right?). I phoned the Finnish Defence Forces and asked for a leaflet. I considered that I might need a realistic back-up plan though, and considered applying to Kuopio where I could study to become a sign language interpreter.
There was this Fayre about all sorts of universities and future careers in Helsinki that my school "forced" me to attend where I stumbled upon a stall labelled "Scottish Universities". That sounded fun! I had never really thought about Scotland possibly being a real country. To me it had been some sort of fairytale land. You know, Loch Ness Monster, bagpipes and kilts? When I realised that it was a real place, I thought it might be a fun idea to apply there. Without actually believing in my chances of getting into a Scottish University, I also applied to a college near my hometown where I could study acting in English. I had decided that I would go back to UK and study there, but knew that I would have to improve my English. I got accepted to that college and I was happy. Then, I got an acceptance letter from a Scottish University, and was ... shocked? I figured that I would of course go and do my best at studying there, and see how long they let me stay before they kick me out. I said bye bye to my army plans and asked my dad to book my plane tickets. (He didn't quite realise what was happening because still two weeks before the university started, he was under the assumption that I was going to go and study at the college near my hometown.)
Scotland and its piper girls and Nessie spotting.
Panicky learning
After I knew I only had a couple of months to properly learn English, I did the most sensible thing I could do. I practised English by reading Harry Potters. I watched a lot of TV series. I started with Friends. First, I had subtitles in Finnish and really tried to listen to what they said. The language they use was fairly easy to understand, so when I thought I was almost ready to let the Finnish subtitles go, I changed them to English. It was easier to follow the dialogue when I could read what they were saying and I didn't have to rely on catching every word. And when I was able to follow what was happening, I turned the subtitles off completely. And was happy to notice that I still could understand what was happening. After I ran out of Friends, I chose a more difficult TV series: Gilmore Girls. It's brilliant, but they speak really fast. And a lot. I used the same 3 step subtitle technique. I really recommend it if you need to learn a language! When you have a long enough TV series to follow, you will get to know all the characters and start to understand them. It's like going on an exchange program and making new friends, except you don't have to go anywhere. But you will learn the language.
Choose an enjoyable TV series and watch it with subtitles in your own language while listening to what the characters say in their language.
When you're used to listening to their speech, change the subtitles into their language.
When you can pick out all the words, turn off the subtitles.
Obviously this technique only works, if you have some background knowledge on the language. But when you're desperate and really out of practise it does help.
I learned such useful phrases.
Scotland
So what happened to me after I trained myself to understand English by watching American TV series?
Well, I had learned to understand spoken English. I didn't need long to adapt for most accents I heard when I arrived. I lived in halls and there was a cleaner whose Doric accent was hard to understand. And so was my future flatmate's Geordie accent. But my accent was the hardest thing for people to understand. I had a strong monotonic Finnish accent. And Gilmore Girls had taught me to speak really fast. I have a feeling that hardly anyone understood me for the first 6 months. Apart from some foreign people.
I spent my first year mostly socialising with French, Polish and German people. It was easier to speak with people who weren't native speakers. And we learnt to understand each other although our language skills weren't perfect.
But I survived. And after this experience I would recommend everyone who is trying to learn a language to visit a country where they speak that language. So, um. Would you like to hear what I sound like these days?
.jpg)
