Year 2014 - spring!

Happy new year, guys!

... Okay, I admit that my plan was to do this post last month. But better late than never, eh?

I did a similar post last year and found it really therapeutic to say goodbye to the year 2013. So I think it's worth it to review what happened in my life in 2014 as well. Maybe it will remind me of my mistakes so that I can learn from then? And more importantly I can see what I've achieved last year so that I can be proud of it. And maybe after this it will be easier to focus on this year and the future.

This has potential to be a bit long, so I'm going to do this in two parts.

So what happened in spring 2014?

January

I welcomed the year 2014 in a small Finnish town with my friends. We stood on a muddy field with sparklers. I had bought myself a fancy new camera with objectives and everything for a Christmas present and had great intentions to learn to use it. 

We sailed to Stockholm with my friends and had a great day out in rainy and wintery Stockholm. When Reseda and Anna would sail back to Finland, Mayumi and I were supposed to catch an evening flight to London. But of course there were problems. We had locked our suitcases, passports and plane tickets into a locker at the ferry terminal. But we hadn't realised to check what time the ferry terminal would close and of course the place was empty and the doors were locked when we returned there to collect our luggage just before our train would leave to the airport. Fortunately, we managed to catch the security guard before he went home. It was his first day! Thankfully, he was lovely and helped us to get back into the building to get our stuff, and we made it back to UK in one piece.

Before travelling back up to Scotland I spent a couple of days in my favourite city, Oxford. I visited J.R.R. Tolkien's grave and just wandered around the familiar streets and felt nostalgic.

When we got back to Aberdeen, Mayumi and I decided to compare whether differently priced Jaffa cakes actually tasted any different. They did. The medium priced were the best ones.

February

In February the sun started shining and Aberdeen didn't seem quite as miserable anymore. I decided that I needed to do something with my life and to start living again. I started yoga. I applied for jobs. I got contact lenses. I travelled to a job interview in Glasgow — and for the first time in my life it was successful job interview! My favourite shop, Lush, was campaigning for equal love. We also had a lovely candlelit Valentine's double date night. Also, our flatmate's Japanese boyfriend was visiting and we organised a road trip to visit some Scottish castles.

March

In March, Satu and I visited Manchester, bought some Lush bath bombs and may have ended up having a bath wearing our party dresses after a wee exploration trip to Canal Street. 

I also went to another job interview, got offered another job and started working in Aberdeen. And that's how the era of riding buses began.

April

In April, I had a lot of early mornings which involved getting up at 3am and running out of the door to catch a my bus to work. Those mornings were made a lot better by our neighbourhood bunnies who ran down the street with me. I really loved living there! Working was exciting but commuting for 3 hours everyday was tiring and I started drinking a lot of coffee.

I had a wee holiday too! I travelled to London to go to #rosweglyn -event, to meet "role models for the next generation of gay girls", also known as, "One venue, a handful of YouTubers and 600 screaming lesbians". I was quite excited to go to this thing! I got to meet Kaelyn and Lucy, who I had been following for a long time! And it certainly didn't make it less exciting that two other lesbian youtuber couples: Wegan (Megan and Whitney) and The Roses (Rose and Rosie) were going to be there too. Because Youtube has become sort of like my best friend, I obviously have been watching their videos too. Unfortunately,  Rose ended up in hospital that morning and wasn't able to be there.

May

This was fairly work-orientated month. I took photos of animals I met on my way to work each morning. It was dark, so I'm sure you understand that my phone wasn't able to produce high-quality photos. But I was so happy about meeting these animals! In May, I also finally got paid and celebrated that by buying a new hand bag and eating some fancy Japanese-style food. I also moved to a new flat, and then back to the old flat because the new one sucked. I also got myself a pool and sauna membership to the new aquatics centre. It was so good for me to dip into a pool after a long day of work and then to relax in the sauna. It made such a difference! And afterwards I liked to go to the pub to get a glass of cheap champagne.

June

I enjoyed summer in my favourite neighbourhood and admired our local Pictish standing stones. Then I received some bad news from Finland and travelled to see my poorly cat. Jonna happened to be hosting a breastfeeding celebration party so I travelled to her village to spend time with her and my goddaughter and some friends. We also got a chance to explore my hometown's dangerous nightlife... The same night, there was someone trying to get into a nightclub with a scythe. I don't know why my mum thinks the rest of the world is dangerous, when this sort of thing happens when I visit home.

So that was the first half. Here's the second half.

Do you enjoy looking back to see what you have done last year? I think I've seen some apps on Facebook that do that for you without you needing to dig through your photo albums like I did for this post. Oh, and if you have written similar posts yourself, feel free to link them to me!

Goodbye, 2013.

Hello!

I've read several blog posts were people have been looking back to last year. I'm a couple of weeks late with this, but I finally decided that I could do it as well. At first, I really didn't want to. But maybe it might be good for me? It could be therapeutic, and maybe I'd see that last year wasn't completely pointless. You can't get forward if you live in the past, but you also can't get forward if you ignore what's happened.

Would you like to hear what my last year was like?

January

I welcomed the year 2013 in London. Satu and I had gone to see the fireworks at Thames. I felt hopeful. We spent a few days eating cheap chicken burgers and buying expensive underwear. Then we went to Glasgow where obviously everything was closed because it takes so long for all the Scots to sober up after their Hogmanay celebrations. When the shops opened again we spent a day shopping cosmetics. Later that month I went on a little runaway holiday in Germany. By myself. I visited a friend in Cologne and went to see my host family in Rheinland-Pfalz area and spent a couple of days exploring Bremen by myself. I met interesting people, and visited Finland as well, because the flights were only 12 euros from Germany.

February

University term started again. I was trying to keep everything together with a part-time job that was taking way too much out of me, managing seminars and all the uniwork that I was already a bit behind with, a crumbling relationship, loneliness, and recurrent migraines. I realised that Skype is actually a very useful tool when you want to socialise with your friends when you can't be in the same place. I also ate lots of Lucky Charm cereals, although it was really expensive to buy them in UK. But they seemed to be the only happy thing in my life at the time. What else would you expect from the gayest cereal there is?

March

I had serious social anxiety problems, migraines and was running out of energy and managing everything was becoming more difficult. I watched a lot of Youtube videos, practised wearing make-up, and spent a lot of money on cosmetics. I was mentally very close to reaching a breaking point, but still managed to make it to a few social events, like the Gaylidh - my university's LGBT society's annual ball. I also signed the petition for equal marriage in Finland.

April

The month started with a break up. Then there was a field tip I had been dreading for a half a year. I really wasn't looking forward to it, but it didn't end up being as scary and awful as I had feared. The month went on and I started enjoying my life as a single. My friend Tom came to visit and we did a lot of touristy things that I hadn't had the energy to do alone. We visited Glasgow, went to a football game, ceilidhed, ate pub food and drank beer.

May

I flew to Finland to throw some rice in a family wedding, celebrate Vappu with my friend Tiia and met Laura again after several years. I flew back to Scotland, wrote some essays, gave a speech in a conference and went camping. I started to find reasons to be happy again, and began to build up my confidence. Laura came to visit me in Scotland and I drove 15 people to a dance with a minibus.

June

I quit my job and phoned my mum to tell her that I had a girlfriend. Laura and I went to Pride Scotia in Edinburgh. I listened to a lot of Mindy Gledhill. I participated a Gothic themed pub crawl. I was also working on my dissertation, rolling in soil and practising augering.

July

I went to North Rona, which is definitely one of the most incredible places I've ever visited. I also realised how burned out I was and started a sick leave which finally gave me the chance to start stitching my mental health together and finding out what's up with those migraines. It's a long journey, but that's when it began. I showed Laura more of Scotland, enjoyed summer and when Tiia came to Aberdeen, we celebrated our friendship by drinking champagne and buying pretty dresses.

August

I spent to whole month - more or less actively, looking for a new place to live. I also went for a holiday in Finland, where I got to spend some quality time with my best friends. I also visited Tallinn and Copenhagen for the first time. Satu and her brother visited Scotland and we did some sightseeing with them. 

September

I returned to university to carry on my research.  Laura and I moved in together. The move allowed me to start feeling mentally better and to change GPs. I tried to get an appointment so that I could finally get referred to a specialist, but there were long queues. Kata returned to Scotland and became our flatmate. The three of us had a civil war against the bugs living in our house. Laura started university.

October

I got new glasses, started learning Japanese, and bought myself a swimming pool membership. Lots of swimming, sushi and Japanese television. Even my laptop turned Japanese. That's all I did this month besides sleeping. I had the worst medication ever which meant that during two weeks I was only awake for maybe 28 hours. Then I stopped taking it.

November

Our flatmate Kata went to Africa and Laura and I sat at home in the dark. I burned lots of candles. I finally got blood tests done, and the results were abnormal enough to get a referral to a specialist. It was great, but I was feeling so ill and was worried that my brain might leak out. I turned to some natural remedies while I was in the 3-month long queue to see the specialist. It snowed and we decorated our house Christmassy.

December

I had a birthday, danced a little bit and burned candles. It was cold, so Laura and I bought pink onesies and hanged around the house looking cool. Then it was time to fly to Finland to spend Christmas there. The person in charge of the weather hadn't got my memo about snow, so there was no snow the whole time I was in Finland, but there were friends, family, warmth, food and a cat.

It's been quite a year. I'm not sure if I've now told a bit too much, but perhaps it's something I have to do in order to say bye bye to 2013. Were you surprised to hear something? Have you said bye bye to your 2013 yet? 

Now lets carry on with 2014. This year we have 340 days left to change our lives.

Non-disastrous family holidays?

Happy new year, bunnies!

I hope all of you had enjoyable holidays! My holidays this year were different. For me. For most people it's probably normal to spend Christmas at their childhood home and see lots of family members, but I hadn't done that for 3 years. And this time I brought someone with me! There was some great potential for holiday conflicts.

Is it too late to tell you about my Christmas? I mean it's so last year... But nevermind! Last Christmas was such a positive surprise for me that I'm going to tell you about it anyway. I didn't get the snow I was hoping to see but everything else went very well.

I've never spent a Christmas with a partner before. As much as I've enjoyed spending my Christmas Eves wrapping presents in a Harry Potter -like cupboard at the bottom of the stairs in my friend's house in Edinburgh, it felt more meaningful to light up candles to family graves and warm up afterwards in the sauna with Laura. She met all of my family members and I met hers. And to my great surprise, everyone was nice to each other. I still can't believe how well my family behaved and how nice and welcoming Laura's family was! Did I mention that her sister made me TARDIS earrings?

Laura and I stayed at my mum's place over the Christmas. On Christmas Eve we had dinner at my grandparents, and then visited graveyards. In the evening, we went and had dessert at my grandparents' friends' house. My brother wasn't pleased about all these activities, because he was very keen on opening the presents. But we did get home before midnight to open them! On Christmas morning, my best Loimaa-friend, Anna, and I went to church. I tried to take Laura with me but, she told me that if I wanted her not to be grumpy for the rest of the day, I'd better let her sleep. But later that day, Laura and I went to Anna's and and a little Christmas celebration with her. 

On Boxing Day it was time to dine with my Dad's family at my grandad's. After that Laura and I drove to Hyvinkää to her sister's place, so that we all would be ready to go and visit her grandparents on 27th. With all of these scary family meetings, and introducing Laura to my grandparents, I had completely forgotten to be nervous about meeting her grandparents. But I was welcomed in with lots of hugs! And I found my godfather's meat boutique's products in their fridge. It wasn't really what I expected to find there, considering that we were 200 kilometres from the boutique. But again, we ate more good Finnish Christmas food, and got an opportunity to use their wood-heated sauna.

But Christmas is not the only thing to celebrate in December. My mum turned 50 on New Year's Eve and we had the biggest Birthday-Hogmanay party that we've ever had. And my friend Tiia graduated as a occupational therapist which of course was a great reason for a party. First she came and celebrated with just Laura and me in Loimaa's vibrant nightlife, and between Christmas and Hogmanay she had a party at her place in Turku.

I am so happy that I got a chance to spend so time with my best Finnish friends. And there were many opportunities to enjoy saunas! And to drink coffee. Sauna, Finnish coffee and my cat are the three things I miss the most when I'm in Scotland.

It was such a relaxing holiday. I thought that meeting so many family members would be stressful, but somehow hardly any of it was. The things were about to get a bit steamy when my mum got stressed out about our packing. I can understand that it maybe looked disastrous with two hardly closing suitcases, and a couple of over-filled backpacks and handbags. Especially when my only shoes broke and I had to buy new ones on our departure day. But instead of a huge fight, we managed to escape and went to drink some coffee with my friend Jonna and my goddaughter. We came up with great plans to go and see Moomins next summer!

This holiday was exactly what I needed. Especially when we had some mini-holidays on the way back. When it's cheaper to travel via Stockholm and Oxford, it's always a great idea to stop and enjoy those places as well. Stockholm was cute and Oxford was the best as always. I hadn't been to Oxford for 5½ years, but it was still just as wonderful as I remembered it! But I'll tell you more about our return journey and the adventures we faced in another post.

Is there something you would like me to write more about? 

First times

Someone once said that you should try and do something new everyday. After spending a year mostly sitting alone in my room, it sounds very extreme to me. But it also sound like something I should really try to do!

This week I've done many things!

I've drank champagne dressed up in sequins,

There's just no space for unhappiness if you have champagne and sequins.

had a house party at my flat,

There were two of my favourite people and two people I had never met before.
The blinds fell down and the floor I had just washed got very sticky.

broken some rules,

We also polkaed on the beach barefoot.

found a random taxi driver who was just picking up his wife from work and convinced him to take me to the airport to catch a flight that was supposed to leave in 45 minutes.

Miraculously we made it although the check-in desk had already closed when we got there.

And stroked a hairless cat dressed up as a dinosaur.

Thank you, Henri!

It's been a busy week.

Other than that I've come to realise that I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. But this year has taught me that trying to keep working when life is full of stress and there's no happiness – it's not worth it. If I had known what I know now, I probably would have quit earlier. My life involved long days of trying to keep on top of my part-time job that was there to help me pay my rent and doing all of the uniwork for my masters. I felt too busy and too stressed out to meet friends in my very limited free time which I mostly spent crying alone at home, and as the year went on I became too nervous to even try and meet up with anyone. It was a very lonely year. My job was lonely as well, I was working alone when there was no one else there and my class situation at the university alarmingly reminded me of secondary school. I felt socially lonely – which is even a worse feeling than just feeling lonely when you're on your own.

That's not how I imagined my life to be. When I was little and obsessed with the TV series Friends, I wished that one day my life would be like theirs: I would live with my friends, have fun and they would be there for me when it hasn't been my day, month or even a year.

But basically, after somehow (barely) surviving this year, I want this all to change. I am currently looking for a flat where I could live with friends. Haven't found anything yet, and am mentally preparing myself to live in a cardboard box, but at least I don't want to be alone anymore. I also never again want to be in such a toxic environment that it's slowly killing me. If one day, for instance, I would manage to get a job, where I have to work with complete arseholes who are not treating me nicely and try to smoke me out, I am not going to stick around to see whether they mange to mess up my life or not. All I want from my future from now on, is happiness and I am not ready to negotiate it anymore.

Have you done anything new for the first time recently?

Fireworks

So, the year 2012 is history and 2013 is here. I witnessed the arrival of the year 2013 in London, at the bank of Thames, watching fireworks shot from the London Eye.

But I am not going to talk about fireworks as such. But fireworks are a happy thing, that's probably why so many people go and see them. Although, in London, the Italian girl standing in the crowd next to me and my friend really wasn't happy. She probably didn't enjoy the crowd and was wearing silly shoes. But the other people next to as who were drinking champagne seemed very happy. Maybe life should involve more champagne and less ending up places where we don't want to be.

In 2013, I would like to be happy. The last time was really happy, was around the last New Year, when I was in Wales. But to be honest, 2012 was pretty rubbish. Mostly because I was unable to really enjoy anything. A lot of exciting things did happen: I graduated, went to Alaska, travelled around Scotland and started a new degree. But I wasn't able to feel excited about anything the way I know I used to be excited about things. I would like to be as happy as little kids when they run around and laugh. Just because I am not a child anymore, doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel sincerely happy and merry.

After the autumn term at university, half of which I was unable to concentrate on neither studying or social life, all I really needed was a break. I had had enough health problems, and I needed to find a way to enjoy life again. I started my holiday by pretty much (without really meaning to) sleeping through Christmas. I had been so tired without realising it. I had been on medication that made me extremely tired and I had been really stressed about whether I would be able to hand in my assignments. Sleep was definitely something I needed.

By the New Year I had a bit more energy and spent a couple of days wandering around London with one of my best friends. We had cheap chicken burgers for breakfast every morning and Chinese take away and pizza for dinner. We exploited our Oyster card by travelling around London on the underground, overground and buses. I bought police box shaped salt and pepper shakers at midnight. I tasted some bubble tea in Chinatown. It was like a non-milky milkshake with some slimy balls in it.

Today I had some red curry in a Glaswegian Thai restaurant. I like spicy food and would like to be able  to eat it. I also bought lipstick. I would like to be able to be brave enough to wear make-up more. I want to believe that if I do more things that I find fascinating, exciting and generally enjoyable, I will get more out of life. Although the massive joylessness of 2012 was partly or mostly due to other reasons, such as, depression, synthetic hormones, worries, generic health problems and loneliness, I would like to think that there are ways I can improve things this year.

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life this year. I am not sure if I am ready. But I feel better than I have felt for about a year. And that is a good sign.

Here is a music video about how even if you feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, you can still find the spark in you and open the door that leads you on the perfect road.

Yes, I do love Katy Perry and refer to her as my "favourite hottie" when I am really tired and have drank too much Irn Bru, but still the message of this song is pretty amazing. It gives me hope.