Hyperopic vision problems

Hello,

I just wanted to give you a health update and ask for some advice. I had the most horrible week last week. I had a migraine all week that resulted me needing to go to a hospital in the middle of the night.

They found nothing wrong and thought it might be my prescription and sent me to an emergency appointment with an optometrist, but they found nothing wrong with my prescription.

I am fairly frustrated with my eyes at the moment and if you have any experiences or tips to share with me — they are the most welcome! Especially if you have similar eye-sight to mine. 

I've spent ages trying to search experiences that are similar to mine, but found nothing. I was almost hopeful when I found a promising YouTube-video made by a lady who was far-sighted, but then she started talking about Jesus and how he gave people different prescriptions and then started reading out bits from the Bible, and it wasn't really what I was looking for. But if you are looking for a "short discussion on receiving the prescribed vision adjustment and having the eyes of your heart enlightened through the true Counselor, the Holy Spirit" then feel free to watch her video. It was interesting, but I really was just looking for people's experiences with contact lenses when dealing with far-sightedness and astigmatism. But I just found experiences from people who were near-sighted.

Let me just tell you a little bit about my eyesight.

According to my mum, I had bad strabismus when I was little and wore glasses since I was 2 years old. This might be the reason why I still can't see 3D.

My strabismus, however, got pretty much fixed and I was able to see well without glasses — I stopped wearing them when I was 13. Then five years ago, I got reading glasses that I wore when I was working on something. Then, I started getting migraines that may have been caused, or at least made worse, by the contraceptive pill. I didn't want to make them even worse by needing to strain my eyes too much and started wearing glasses everyday.

According to my prescription I am far-sighted and have astigmatism. So when I sit on a sofa at home and look in front of me, the world looks like this:

How I see the world.

It's difficult to see things near me, but I can see well far away. This is fixed when I put my glasses on. After last weeks migraines though I started wondering whether they actually could be caused by the fact that my glasses keep constantly sliding down my nose.

I figured that if I wore contact lenses I most definitely wouldn't have that problem because they would stay on my eye. It just apparently cannot be that easy. I did write about my initial contact lens -struggle but the saga continues. I wore contact lenses at work for almost a year and was able to see things that were close to me but I had no hope seeing far away. I realised how bad my eye sight is with my contact lenses when I tried wearing them again last weekend to stop the headaches.

My vision with contact lenses.

Sure I can read medication leaflets with my contacts in but activities like watching TV are completely out of question. Unless I move it on the coffee table, approximately half a meter from my face. That's what I had to do last weekend. But it just isn't very practical.

I guess the way I see the world with contact lenses is quite similar to how most young people with bad eye-sight see the world. At least I've met far more near-sighted people than far-sighted people.

I'm going to go and see the optician again and ask about this, because I don't understand why it's happening since as far as I understand, my prescription is pretty much the same for both; my glasses and contact lenses. But I would also like to know about your experiences! Have you got similar experiences with contact lenses?!

In the mean time, I've solved my vision problem by properly attaching my glasses to my head.

I tied some hair ties around the frames. I then attached the hair ties to this beautiful headband with a hair pin. This keeps my glasses still, but makes it more annoying to take them off. But at least the headaches have stopped for now!

Any words of wisdom or personal experiences?

Also, if you came to look at pretty pictures and have not yet learned that this is not the best place for that, I would like to apologise your disappointment and the fact that I haven't really had the motivation to try and look presentable or tidy the house or use a proper camera to take these pictures. They are here mostly for expressional purposes.

Struggles of trying to be straight

"Is it impossible for you to keep your leg straight?" asked my yoga teacher last week.

In other words, I've started yoga again. 

The Hatha vinyasa yoga class I attended last time is not running anymore, but I remember that it was good for me. It was physically very hard but I noticed development in my fitness. I was able to do more and more in each session! The main focus of vinyasa yoga was in breathing though, which I still am incredibly bad at. 

This time I am attending a Iengar-style yoga class where the main focus is in bodily alignment. I'm most definitely the worst yogi in the class. My posture is incredibly bad and I have no sense of how to align my body. But I'm not attending this class to be a good yogi, I'm attending it to become a better yogi. There's really no point trying to compare myself to others. But I try to develop myself and improve my skills. I am so incredibly wonky — if I learn to even keep my leg straight, it would be an improvement. My goal is to learn to stand up straight though, it would be fantastic and probably a lot better for me! To get there I will really have to develop my muscle strength though.

What surprised me again was actually how physically hard yoga is. I mean, I am very unfit and really did need some serious exercise. Still, just face-planting at my yoga mat while everyone else was doing some fancy postures was quite a humbling experience.

Have you tried yoga?

*I'm doing the postures presented in the pictures completely wrong. My teacher would cry to see these. They are here for the comedy value only.

My favourite cosmetic brands

Hi.

I was going to write this post before I got completely stressed out by consumerism and plastic and all that unnecessary waste that just ends up in landfills. But because it's almost Christmas and cosmetics have been my favourite thing for 2 years now, I thought I'd write this post anyway.

When I was really lonely and depressed I cheered up my life by going shopping for some cosmetics. I bought so many cream, lotions and make-up products. Trying them out really made me a lot happier and boosted my self-confidence!

Earlier this year, Brand Spark International listed the most trusted cosmetic brands in Canada, USA, China, Turkey and Mexico that were ranked by consumers. You can check all of them by following the link. I originally got the idea for this post from a Finnish cosmetics blog Ostolakossa where the blog's author Virve Vee compared the popularity of different brands in different countries and also told her own favourites. 

So today I'm going to tell me what my favourite cosmetic brands have been past these 2 years! With some thoughts on how I'm feeling about the future with them. If this isn't something you're interested in, feel free to skip this post.

For example, these are the winning brands in China:

Face cream:  Olay

Eye cream: Estée Lauder

Make-up foundation: Maybelline

Facial wash: L'oreal and Nivea

Shaving products: Gillette

Nail varnish: OPI

Body wash: Dove

Shampoo & Conditioner: Pantene

Hair styling: Vidal Sassoon

Toothpaste: Darlie

And these are the winners in Turkey:

Facial skincare: L'oreal and Nivea

Make-up foundation: L'oreal and Max Factor (Covergirl)

Facial wash: Neutrogena and Nivea

Lipstick: Avon

Mascara: L'oreal and Max Factor (Covergirl)

Deodorant/Antiperspirant: Nivea

Shaving products: Gillette

Body lotion: Nivea

Body wash: Palmoline

Shampoo & Conditioner: Elidor and Head&Shoulders

Hair styling: Hobby

Toothpaste: Ipana ja Colgate

Feel free to check out the other ones too, I'm sure they are all well known and popular brands.

I actually recently realised that many of the popular brands are owned by gigantic companies.

Have you ever heard of Unilever?

Maybe I'm just naïve but I was really shocked when I realised that so many brands are owned by this massive company. Unilever owns more than 400 brands!

Out of the brands listed earlier more are owned by them by not.

They own Lynx (Axe), Dove, Flora (Becel), Knorr, Lipton, Omo, Sure (Rexona), Surf and Sunsilk (Elidor), Ben & Jerry's, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, Pot Noodle, Turun Sinappi, Simple, Pepsodent (Signal), TIGI, TRESemmé and many others!

And of course such a big company has a lot of money to put on marketing and buying self-space in order to make sure that the naïve consumers can easily see these products when they go shopping.

But anyway, back to the point of this post and my own list! Because of course you all really want to know what cosmetics I use (almost) daily.

Face cream:  Boots Botanics. Especially the 81% organic hydrating cream.

Eye cream: Lumene.

Make-up foundation: Skin79. I have now discovered Asian BB creams and don't want to mess with Western foundations anymore.

Facial wash: Lush.

Lipstick: Lush.

Mascara: Physician's Formula Organic Wear.

Deodorant/Antiperspirant: Lumene. But then I experienced an aluminium crisis and started making my own.

Shaving products: Gillette. Although I'm not sure how to feel about this ecologically or socially.

Body lotion: Soap & Glory.

Nail varnish: Lumene Natural Code.

Body wash: Lumene Angry Birds. I got obsessed with this one after I tried it at my friend's house.

Shampoo & Conditioner: Lush. I'm increasingly more and more obsessed with Lush, have you noticed?

Hair styling: Batiste. Dry shampoo is all I use at the moment. I've considered replacing it with just talcum powder though.

Toothpaste: Sarakan. I've had enough of fluoride.

I actually used to use a different toothpaste, but then I read about the dangers of fluoride and felt that I have been poisoning myself enough with it, and decided to switch to a more natural alternative and hope for the best. Then last week I bought a bamboo toothbrush and it works really well! I actually feel that my teeth are cleaner than they were when I used a plastic toothbrush.

I am a bit sad that many of these products contain so much unrecyclable plastic. I always use a Gilette razor where you only have to change the blade bit instead of needing to get a whole new razor! I wish everyone would do the same. Yes, they are a little bit more expensive, but they are also so much better than those awful ones you can buy in bulk. So much plastic ends up in landfill from them and you only use them a couple of times! If you need to shave, please buy a proper razor.

Lush is a fantastic company that makes bath and beauty products with environmental values in their mind. Their products are amazing and I am considering trying more of their products in the future. For instance, they have a mascara that comes in a glass bottle and it probably would be better for the environment if I used that one instead of ordering the one I currently use from America.

Also, in the field of soap and body lotion, I'm considering challenging myself and trying to make some of my own next year. It can't be that difficult, can it?

So, what are your favourite cosmetics? What sort of aspects do you think about when choosing these products?

You don't have to have a favourite to all categories but you can just copy-paste this template to comments and let me know! I'm a bit weird, but I'd love to hear what products you guys use! Oh, and this is a completely unisex questionnaire. Everyone is allowed to answer.

Face cream: 
Eye cream: 
Make-up foundation:
Facial wash: 
Lipstick:
Mascara: 
Deodorant/Antiperspirant:
Shaving products: 
Body lotion: 
Nail varnish:
Body wash: 
Shampoo & Conditioner: 
Hair styling: 
Toothpaste: 

Spring healthiness

The spring is here!

It's sunny outside! Unfortunately it doesn't mean that it's warm. Today it's been only 3 degrees and I had to wear my winter coat again.

But this spring I will try and start eating healthier food. More fruit and vegetables and less frozen pizza. Healthier food gives you more energy, right?

Maybe it's all the sunniness that's made me want to eat healthier. I've been living on hamburgers, cheesy pasta and frozen pizzas for way too long.

But I just went to a supermarket and bought loads of fruit and vegetables.

Vegetables!

I've been dreaming of healthier food. But over the past couple of weeks I just haven't had the energy or the time to try out new recipies. But now I finally have lots of healthy things I could eat! Laura is slightly suspicious whether I'm actually going to eat everything I bought. Now I have to prove her suspicions wrong.

I also read a very inspiring blog post in Peaches Blog (in Finnish) recently! The author, Vilma, is a vegetarian and has written a few posts about her diet. Recently she did a post about a smoothie she had for dinner/snack. It includes coconut milk, almond milk, fresh pineapple, kiwi fruit, nuts, maca and spirulina.

© Vilma.

It sounded awesome. And I wanted to try and make it too. Maybe the best thing about it was that instead of publishing a proper recipe Vilma just briefly explained what she did.

And I bought a blender last month. Because it sounded like a fabulous thing. But then I realised that I don't know what to do with it. So this smoothie is going to be the first thing I'll actually attempt to make with it!

If you know any other fantastic vegetable or fruit based meals, let me know  –  I need inspiration!

I started yoga

Hey, guess what?!

I did what I promised in the last blog post and I have started yoga!

Before my first class last Tuesday, I had literally no idea what to expect. 

I bought an exercise mat just 15 minutes before the class. I thought it might help. Apart from that I was wearing my regular clothes: a tiny dress with some coloured tights.

The first class which was titled hatha vinyasa. It was led my a nice Norwegian(?) girl. There were lots of people in the class, and I tried to speak to a few people, but everyone else already seemed to have a friend group. It was okay, I didn't go there to look for friends. So I lay my mat next to some guys mat. I didn't even know which way was the right way up or if it mattered. I asked the guy and he said that he had no idea, because it was his first time too. 

Then the class started. I was very happy that the guy next to me was a newbie too, because the girl next to me seemed to be a pro. She did all sorts of difficult looking things while I kept falling over on my mat and lying on my face.

I somehow had had an idea that yoga would be calming, which misled me to thinking that it isn't really a sport. But oh man, it was hard work! I discovered that I don't have any muscle strength, flexibility or balance skills. I can barely breath.

And today I went to my second yoga class. I was more prepared and was actually wearing gym clothes this time. Today's class was titled ashtanga yoga. This time the teacher was an Indian(?) guy. I looked forward to seeing what this class had to offer since it was supposed to be something different. I had come in a bit late thanks to the local bus service, and the front row was already full. But it was okay, there was still space in the backrow and the class hadn't started yet. Soon I was very glad that I was in the back corner. This yoga type wasn't to my taste. It was a lot faster than hatha vinyasa yoga had been. I still didn't have a clue how to do those positions and trying to copy others didn't really work, because they kept jumping to the next one when I was still trying to figure out how to do the previous one.

The worst thing, however, was that the teacher was super-scary. Although it was a beginners class and some people (including me) were there for the first time, he put out really strict on rules how well the positions need to be done. And then he walked around touching people who he thought could do them "better". For some reason though all these people were pretty girls. Almost 50% of the people there were guys but for some reason he didn't touch them. But every time he picked a girl and folded or pushed them deeper into the position. Even if the girls said they were fine or that they didn't want to. "Oh, yes you can do it", he said and pushed them while the girls screamed and said that it hurts. "I will help you face your fear", he said. And afterwards if a girl glared at him he said: "Don't worry, nothing got dislocated."

This really made it impossible for me to try and concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing. The guy next to me looked really concerned too. I think it was his first time as well. I was really glad that I wasn't wearing any make-up and that I was wearing an old t-shirt and baggy trousers like all the guys instead of tight leggings like all the other girls were wearing.

All the screaming, the fast tempo and really stressful times make me wish I hadn't gone to that class in the first place. Is ashthanga always that awful?

At least I don't have to think twice to which class I want to carry on going to. I guess I'll just stick with the class the nice Norwegian girl was teaching.

Because yoga makes me think of tropical beaches.

I, however, feel that learning how to do yoga will be really good for me. And my back. And it will help be develop the skills mentioned earlier.

Have you ever tried yoga?

Contact Lenses

Hello you!

I've had pretty awful time poking my eye over the past week, so I thought I'd come here and tell you about it.

As I told you in November, I've had glasses since I was 2, but only recently started wearing them more often. I had an enjoyable glass-free decade, but it's gone now. 

To be honest, I find glasses fairly annoying now. They slide down my nose when I read, and they get dirty all the time, and it makes me feel like the world looks blurrier than it does without my glasses. If I was rich, I would buy those amazing disposable glass-cleaning wipes, but they are really expensive and I also hate cumulating rubbish. One day soon, when I'm less annoyed with my eyes and more annoyed with rubbish, I will tell you ways how you could cumulate less rubbish too.

Occasionally I leave the house looking like this.

But anyway, the time for me to try out contact lenses is here.

Emphasis on the word try.

It hasn't been easy.

Health Update

Hi,

I thought I'd give a little health update here, in case someone is interested. 

I saw the endocrinologist on Thursday, but she only did more blood tests and now I'm really hoping that they will be really out of range so that I get treatment. I've been taking Agnus Castus since November and it has balanced my hormones and reduced my migraines a lot. I also take strong C and D vitamin supplements, which are supposed to make me feel better. The doctor didn't believe that natural remedies would in anyway affect my condition, but from experience I can say that I feel a lot better now than I did in the autumn. But I still need some treatment.

Waiting for the bus.

I got a new swimming costume in the mail, so I could try and go swimming soon. Swimming is good because it gives me an excuse to leave the house, it's exercise and my muscles get stronger. It also helps my back pains and gives me an opportunity to get clean.

Right now instead of writing this, I would just really like to go back to bed. I've been up for 5 hours already, but before that I slept for 20 hours. For most of the time I've been up, I've been reading about hypothyroidism. I've been ticking the boxes on the ThyroidUK's symptom list, and have quite a lot of them. 

Goodbye, 2013.

Hello!

I've read several blog posts were people have been looking back to last year. I'm a couple of weeks late with this, but I finally decided that I could do it as well. At first, I really didn't want to. But maybe it might be good for me? It could be therapeutic, and maybe I'd see that last year wasn't completely pointless. You can't get forward if you live in the past, but you also can't get forward if you ignore what's happened.

Would you like to hear what my last year was like?

January

I welcomed the year 2013 in London. Satu and I had gone to see the fireworks at Thames. I felt hopeful. We spent a few days eating cheap chicken burgers and buying expensive underwear. Then we went to Glasgow where obviously everything was closed because it takes so long for all the Scots to sober up after their Hogmanay celebrations. When the shops opened again we spent a day shopping cosmetics. Later that month I went on a little runaway holiday in Germany. By myself. I visited a friend in Cologne and went to see my host family in Rheinland-Pfalz area and spent a couple of days exploring Bremen by myself. I met interesting people, and visited Finland as well, because the flights were only 12 euros from Germany.

February

University term started again. I was trying to keep everything together with a part-time job that was taking way too much out of me, managing seminars and all the uniwork that I was already a bit behind with, a crumbling relationship, loneliness, and recurrent migraines. I realised that Skype is actually a very useful tool when you want to socialise with your friends when you can't be in the same place. I also ate lots of Lucky Charm cereals, although it was really expensive to buy them in UK. But they seemed to be the only happy thing in my life at the time. What else would you expect from the gayest cereal there is?

March

I had serious social anxiety problems, migraines and was running out of energy and managing everything was becoming more difficult. I watched a lot of Youtube videos, practised wearing make-up, and spent a lot of money on cosmetics. I was mentally very close to reaching a breaking point, but still managed to make it to a few social events, like the Gaylidh - my university's LGBT society's annual ball. I also signed the petition for equal marriage in Finland.

April

The month started with a break up. Then there was a field tip I had been dreading for a half a year. I really wasn't looking forward to it, but it didn't end up being as scary and awful as I had feared. The month went on and I started enjoying my life as a single. My friend Tom came to visit and we did a lot of touristy things that I hadn't had the energy to do alone. We visited Glasgow, went to a football game, ceilidhed, ate pub food and drank beer.

May

I flew to Finland to throw some rice in a family wedding, celebrate Vappu with my friend Tiia and met Laura again after several years. I flew back to Scotland, wrote some essays, gave a speech in a conference and went camping. I started to find reasons to be happy again, and began to build up my confidence. Laura came to visit me in Scotland and I drove 15 people to a dance with a minibus.

June

I quit my job and phoned my mum to tell her that I had a girlfriend. Laura and I went to Pride Scotia in Edinburgh. I listened to a lot of Mindy Gledhill. I participated a Gothic themed pub crawl. I was also working on my dissertation, rolling in soil and practising augering.

July

I went to North Rona, which is definitely one of the most incredible places I've ever visited. I also realised how burned out I was and started a sick leave which finally gave me the chance to start stitching my mental health together and finding out what's up with those migraines. It's a long journey, but that's when it began. I showed Laura more of Scotland, enjoyed summer and when Tiia came to Aberdeen, we celebrated our friendship by drinking champagne and buying pretty dresses.

August

I spent to whole month - more or less actively, looking for a new place to live. I also went for a holiday in Finland, where I got to spend some quality time with my best friends. I also visited Tallinn and Copenhagen for the first time. Satu and her brother visited Scotland and we did some sightseeing with them. 

September

I returned to university to carry on my research.  Laura and I moved in together. The move allowed me to start feeling mentally better and to change GPs. I tried to get an appointment so that I could finally get referred to a specialist, but there were long queues. Kata returned to Scotland and became our flatmate. The three of us had a civil war against the bugs living in our house. Laura started university.

October

I got new glasses, started learning Japanese, and bought myself a swimming pool membership. Lots of swimming, sushi and Japanese television. Even my laptop turned Japanese. That's all I did this month besides sleeping. I had the worst medication ever which meant that during two weeks I was only awake for maybe 28 hours. Then I stopped taking it.

November

Our flatmate Kata went to Africa and Laura and I sat at home in the dark. I burned lots of candles. I finally got blood tests done, and the results were abnormal enough to get a referral to a specialist. It was great, but I was feeling so ill and was worried that my brain might leak out. I turned to some natural remedies while I was in the 3-month long queue to see the specialist. It snowed and we decorated our house Christmassy.

December

I had a birthday, danced a little bit and burned candles. It was cold, so Laura and I bought pink onesies and hanged around the house looking cool. Then it was time to fly to Finland to spend Christmas there. The person in charge of the weather hadn't got my memo about snow, so there was no snow the whole time I was in Finland, but there were friends, family, warmth, food and a cat.

It's been quite a year. I'm not sure if I've now told a bit too much, but perhaps it's something I have to do in order to say bye bye to 2013. Were you surprised to hear something? Have you said bye bye to your 2013 yet? 

Now lets carry on with 2014. This year we have 340 days left to change our lives.

Family, friends and future

It's crazy o'clock and I'm drinking lumpy chocolate milk and burning a Yankee candle while I'm writing this. I just had a candlelit shower. It was awesome. I'm kind of glad this no-light-in-the-bathroom incident happened. Otherwise I would have never bothered lighting candles in the bathroom just so that I could have a shower. I feel clean and happy now.

I think this is a fantastic moment to tell you something about me. This time I'm going to tell you about my background. Me, my family, friends and my future wishes relating to family and friends. And I'm going to be using "...and that's who I am" pictures again.

Ready to find out more about me?

Back to the Middle Ages

Hello lovely people!

I thought I'd update you on what's going on in my life. For most people, this probably wouldn't be anything big, but for me it's pretty much everything that's going on at the moment. I've bought new things, got some health news and also ended up in dark.

First, I'm going to show you my new bag and shoes! Because the weather has got colder, I needed new shoes for the Scottish winter. They are the first wedge heel shoes that I've bought. What do you think? The bag is also new, I thought I needed something to brighten up my life!

Health-wise, I'm happy to announce that something is finally happening. I got a phone call from my GP yesterday saying there was something abnormal found in the blood tests that were taken on Wednesday. Originally I was told that there was no need to test my hormone levels and that there can't be anything wrong with them if I'm still getting my period. But because I knew that most of my health problems started or got worse when I started the Pill, I knew that it most likely was hormone-related. The GP claimed that the Pill does not affect hormone levels. I knew that she was either lying or really stupid. I kept on insisting that I my hormone levels really needed to get tested without threatening that I would grow a moustache if she didn't agree - because that probably wouldn't have helped. Eventually she gave me a referral, but said that next time I would have to go and get tested privately.

Yesterday, when she phoned she sounded fairly alarmed though. I was right, there was something wrong with my hormones! I'm very glad that I was stubborn enough to get it all tested this time. Before they've tested my blood for some other things and only noticed that my iron stores are low, but that clearly wasn't all that was wrong. I've been very tired for two years now and had some sort of headaches everyday and at least one migraine every week for a year. The doctors have been saying that being tired is normal and there's nothing that can be done about sleeping 18 hours a night. I've been told that I should just take more painkillers.

But now I'm finally getting to go and see an endochrinologist! Hopefully they will be able to figure out what's wrong with me, and hopefully one day I will be able to wake up without taking painkillers and stay awake longer than the time I spend sleeping. My symptoms match the symptoms of pituitary gland tumour. The tumour pushing my brain and my eyes would explain why I have a headache all the time and why my eyes hurt, and why I felt that my eyesight was getting worse. The patient.co.uk website also kindly warns me that "there may be a leakage of the fluid that surrounds the brain and pituitary gland, felt as watery fluid leaking through the nose" and that those symptoms need urgent treatment. And it's November in Scotland, so of course my nose is occasionally leaking. So great, now I have to be worried that my brain is leaking out through my nose every time that happens. They still need to MRI scan my head to confirm whether I have a tumour or not, but at least now there's something happening about it. That makes me feel happier and kind of relieved.

In other news, my flatmate left to Africa on the same day as the light bulb in our bathroom died. It would be okay, if we would understand how to change it, but it's weird and we don't understand how to do it. We have changed light bulbs before, but for some reason we can't figure out how to change this one. Is this a same-sex couple problem?

Fortunately we have candles and have survived under these circumstances. At least it's been athmospheric to use the bathroom. It hasn't been too awful, but hopefully we get the electric lighting back before Kata returns from Africa.

I'm going to take this opportunity to show you what our bathroom looks like in the dark.

Our tiny sink without a mixer tap looks quite cute in candle light. My Bioré face scrub is for those days when my skin feels like it needs a wee salicylic acid treatment. The Alighiero Campostrini hand soap is the least drying one I've found so far. I have dry hands but I like to wash them often.

I'm sorry the candle is closer to the rubber duck than my Lush soap bar. I'll try to think about the spacing more in the future. They are on top of the toilet, in case you were wondering. The duck glows in dark, so that helps a little bit too.

There are 3 different tubes of toothpaste in our bathroom because we all want different things. Laura wants hers to be whitening, I want mine without fluor and Kata wants hers to be non-whitening with fluor.

Do you like candles? Or do you happen to know how to change light bulbs?

Who even am I?

I find it very stressful to introduce myself. Especially when I have to tell people more than just my name. Should I tell them things that I don't even identify with? Not lies, but just things about me that I don't feel that really describe me very well. It would help to keep the distance and stop them from knowing the real me. I am afraid to tell people anything that would let them close to knowing the “real me”. What if they don't like me?

Am I cool enough to pull off these shoes?

Lately, I've started thinking about this problem more. I'm not sure why I feel that way. But then again, I'm not even sure how I would describe myself. What could I tell people? I'm not even sure if I am enough anything to present myself as something.

Then, I stumbled across a tumblr page called "...and that's who I am". There were many pictures with little sentences all ending with “and that's who I am”. I scrolled down the page and saved all the pictures I felt I identified with on my computer. It actually felt really therapeutic. I feel that seeing things that I identify with written on the computer screen made me feel that it was more justified to see those things as something that I am. It kind of felt like I was given a permission to be me. I looked at those pictures again today and I think I might be ready to be brave enough to share those pictures that represent me with the blogger world. It's scary, to show people who I really am, but I think I might be ready to do it. The blogger world is probably tired of “and that's who I am” related blog posts, but this is my first attempt, so I'm going to do it anyway.

I am going to use these pictures as a tool to show my readers who I am. I have saved so many pictures that I will have to do this over several posts. To make it even more personal, I'm going to say something about each picture. Although I will be using pictures I saved directly from the tumblr page, showing these things makes me feel very naked.

This first post will be the deepest and the darkest one.

Are you ready?

Maybe I'll grow a moustache this November

November is here!

It's been exactly a year since I first realised I suffer from migraines. Last November, I had the worst migraine of my life. It lasted for 2 weeks. I occasionally felt slightly better and occasionally just wanted to lie in a pitch black room and die. I had had headaches before but never for that long and I used to just take ibuprofen for them.

A year ago also stopped taking the contraceptive pill. 10 months earlier a doctor had given it to me, because I told her about periods that I had gotten every two weeks. To me, it didn't make sense to start the pill because of it. But I also hoped it would improve my acne so I tried it.

Photo from Mirror.

I wouldn't recommend the Pill to anyone who doesn't need it for something hormonal. I think it's too easy to start. Many young girls start taking it because they think it makes them feel more "mature". It's good to use contraception, but it's definitely not the only method of contraception there is. Bayer has been advertising the Pill as a "miracle drug" for all women's problems: it would provide contraception, lets you decide when you want to have your period (you can even stop having them completely!), it will cure your acne, help you control your weight, relieve PMS, etc. I think medicines should not be advertised like that, especially since it's misleading and has so many side effects. They are selling something as a product that makes women believe that their bodies' natural cycles are bad and that they should control them with chemicals that will mess up their whole natural cycle and hormones. 

I might write a blog post about my thoughts on contraception at some point. But really, my headaches and migraines got a lot worse while I was on the Pill. Those were not the only side effects I experienced. In the end I stopped taking it mid-sheet because even the thought of swallowing one made me feel ill.

But even after I stopped taking the Pill, I've been getting migraines every week. I've tried a lot of medication for migraines, but everything seems to give me side-effects I'm not ready to live with. Triptans for instance did not keep the migraine away for more than a few days, and they made me really thirsty. When I say really thirsty, I mean really very thirsty! I went out to eat in a restaurant, and I had to drink three jugs of water during the meal. And I obviously had to leave the table several times to go to the toilet too. It wasn't normal, or safe either because being so thirsty probably meant that there was something even more wrong in my body. Recently I've been taking beta-blockers for the second time. They keep the migraine away, but they also keep me asleep. I haven't been able to stay awake for more than a few hours recently, which has made it pretty much impossible to function as a normal person who lives a normal life full of everyday things. 

I went to Holland & Barrett's to get some proper multivitamins because I really had serious problems with lack of energy (which may have been just due to all the medication I was on). They advised me to get some multivitamins and B vitamin that could boost my energy levels.

It didn't help me stay awake though and I ended up talking to Kata about it.  We were wondering what I could do, because I really had to stop my preventive migraine medication. Then, Kata made me realise that my migraines might be hormone-related. Maybe there still is some bad oestrogen in my body from taking the Pill? I think I need to get my blood checked out for all the hormone levels to find out why I cannot stay awake and why my head hurts all the time anyway.

Feminine problem: hairiness!

A long time ago I wrote a blog post about surviving womanhood, and all the things I have needed to face after I realised that I'm a woman and that my life is filled with feminine challenges.

These challenges included bras, periods, and hairiness - which is today's topic.

This is an important topic, because it is something that can make people feel very insecure about themselves. It is also something that is very embarrassing to talk about. And because I should face my fears of being embarrassed about everything –  I'm going to write about it!

Hair is a funny thing. Compared to our close relatives, apes, we're not really that hairy.

© Liran Samuni.

But our society likes to make us look even less hairy than we really are. I grew up seeing ads of all sorts of different hair removal products. The hairless female body image was all over the media. No wonder most men believe that women are practically hairless (that's probably the point of all this hair removal business we're engaging ourselves in) and most women believe that they are naturally hairier than other women.

Fortunately, I was never her biggest fan in the first place.

It was all very stressful, when I first hit puberty and thought that I have to shave. In fact, it was so traumatic that I didn't touch a shaver for 10 years after my first shaving attempt. In the meantime I tried out all sorts of different hair removal methods available. I tried waxing which mostly resulted in pain, mess, wax stuck everywhere and hairs still attached to my skin. I tried hair removal mousses that would allow you to scrub the hair of with a sponge or a "bladeless" shaver made out of plastic. Basically the mousse would first somehow corrode the hair so that it would just come of when you wash yourself. Needless to say, it's quite irritating for your skin - especially if you're not quick enough to get it off your skin. In the end, I discovered an epilator which works! It really hurts a couple of the first times you try to plug your hairs off with it, but it's easy after you get used to it. And mostly I enjoy the money I save when I don't have to spend it all on sticky waxes and corrosive mousses.

Hurray, archaeology! (I'm in the photo) © Charlotta Hillerdal.

My interests sometimes take me to places where I get the opportunity to get as hairy as I like and no one will know. It's fantastic.

WARNING! Please do not read any further if you get easily upset about personal things such as hairiness.

After I had grown back all of my body hair, I realised all the benefits this hair had. Well, mostly it kept me warmer in freezing wind and rain. Extra layer of something on: always useful in cold conditions. Suddenly, getting hairy didn't seem so bad at all.

Haisuli!

But I have a secret to tell you: the hair that had started growing on my body was a lot more impressive than it was when I had started hair removal. I don't think it's because I had been removing it, but simply because I am now older. My legs, for example, were hairier than some of my male friends. After that experience, I feel that women are almost as hairy as men. Men have a tendency to get hairier and to grow stronger hair in places that women rarely get that strong hair growth – such as face, back and chest. But women do have hair in those places too. Did you know that threading* places almost always offer an upper lip hair removal service when you get your eyebrows shaped?

 * threading is a method of plugging hair with thread. It's often used for shaping eyebrows.

Last spring, I actually stopped removing my hair for several months. And surprisingly the world didn't end. I had classmates who occasionally talked about hair removal, and for instance, about how disgusting arm pit hair is. I very consciously wore sleeved tops and coloured tights around those people because my self-confidence wasn't quite strong enough to hear anymore about how disgusting they find me than I already had to. 

But apart from that I had no problems doing anything I wanted. I even went to a public swimming pool. And let me tell you: I didn't get kicked out of the pool. No one even looked at my hairly legs or armpits any longer than they did when there was no hair there.

There are actually several posts written by women who have stopped shaving completely. One good one was written by Emer O'Toole in theguardian.com.

This was my favourite bit:

A scene from my life:

Small child: Why do you have hair under your arms?

Me: Because when girls and boys grow up into women and men they grow hair under their arms.

Small child: My mum doesn't have hair under her arms.

Me: She shaves it off.

Small child: She doesn't.

Me: She does. Ask her.

Small child: Mum, do you?

Mother of small child: Yes.

Small child: Why?

Exactly, small child. Exactly.

Should you remove hair? Why?

If you feel like you have good reasons, feel free. But I think it would do our society a lot of good if people who secretly want to be hairy, would just be hairy. It's not disgusting. Being a man increases person's chances of being hairier, but women have the same right to be as hairy as they like. It's also acceptable for men to shave their legs if they want to  –  people should really stop being shocked by it.

Oh, and since I've now talked about hair removal, I want to mention hair in one particular body area that no one ever talks about.

Please stop reading now if you do not want to read about the hair we normally tend to keep in our pants.