Friday, 1 March 2013

Time travel.

"A lot can change in 5 years", I claimed to my friend when we were thinking about our future. She reflected it by thinking about her life 5 years ago, and said that it was quite similar. She was studying then, and still is. Her best friends were the same and her hopes and worries were the same. So can everything really change in 5 years?

I thought about my life 5 years ago. I was on a study holiday before my matriculation exams.

Old's Dance 2008.

Before the holiday I had danced "Olds' Dance" (a dance held in February to celebrate that the 2nd years are the oldest in school because the 3rd years have left the school for their study holiday) with a friend of mine who hadn't found a partner. In our high school there were more girls than boys, so there was a problem to find partners for all the girls. I was the first girl to dance as a boy in our school. It was shocking if I am to believe my friend who told me that everyone was whispering when I walked in the hall that morning. But next year there were a lot more girls dancing with girls. Dressed as girls that time, but that's how it should be - too much hustle to maintain heteronormativity and to look for boys the school did not have.

Back then my number 1 hobby was theatre. I spent so much time there, it felt like home. Theatre gave me courage, helped me to believe in myself and allowed me to do crazy things, such as, sing to people, walk in ridiculous shoes, and talk to stuffed squirrels.

Independence Day Play featuring a stuffed squirrel.

The study holiday was relaxing. I drank a lot of tea and played with my new Furby that I had always wanted and finally bought one when I was 18! I was also hanging out with my cat who had grown bigger than I expected. I travelled around Finland to see my friends. I probably also did some studying.

Study moment with a friend and our Furbys.

Those were some of the happiest days of my life. So full of life, a bit stressed out about the exams that in the end went well, and hopeful for the future. 

Back then my favourite place in the world was Oxford where I had been on a month long language course in July 2006. That probably was the best month of my life. I had got to know amazing people who became my friends, I did so many exciting and new things everyday and saw places I didn't think even could exist in real life. And I wanted to go back.

Oxford in 2006.

Inspired by my time in Oxford, I had applied to Scotland, but didn't think my English was good enough to get in, so I watched all the Friends and Gilmore Girls episodes to learn the language.

Gilmore Girls 1st season.

I still didn't think I would ever be accepted into University, and was very surprised when I got my acceptance and offer letter. But by then I had watched enough American TV to have realistic ideas of my university life was going to be like. And I had learned to understand English, but on my first night in halls I learned that it maybe wasn't enough. I was trying to tell one of my neighbours about ugly curtains without actually remembering the word "curtains". It was a complete disaster. I spoke very fast - just like they do in Gilmore Girls - and with a very heavy accent. No wonder the girl stopped saying hello to me in the corridor after the first week.

Has my life changed?

Well, I am definitely as clueless about my future as I was 5 years ago. I still believe that July 2006 was the happiest month of my life. My best friends 5 years ago are still the best and I wish them to remain as important to me for the rest of my life. But I have also made some new friends.

In five years I have finally learned to speak English. I have studied myself a degree, seen many new places on earth, widened my understanding of living, but got stupider. Looking back has made me realise that I had forgotten that person that I was 5 years ago, and I would like to get some aspects of her back. I would like to still be as brave and spontaneous as I was back then.

Do I think my life will be very different in 5 years? I don't know. I am not sure if I want it to be much different. I hope it will be good. I hope I won't change too much, I hope I will be happy. I have absolutely no idea what will happen, which is exactly what I would have said 5 years ago if someone would have asked where I would see myself in 5 years. Now that 5 years has taken me here, and I am surprised to be here. I am ready to be surprised again in 5 years time.

1 comment:

  1. Mä olen kyllä toki tehnyt paljon viiden vuoden aikana. Olen ollut au pairina, vaihdossa, reilannut kolmesti, hukannut vaikka mitä, saanut uusia ystäviä myöskin, suudellut kymmeniä ja kymmeniä miehiä, muuttanut muutaman kerran, tehnyt monia asioita ihan ensimmäistä kertaa ja hankkinut paljon kokemuksia.

    Silti se tosiaan on aika samantapaista. Ja silti ei. Tosiaan opiskelin myös. Menin Myrkkyyn joka viikonloppu ja olin paljon lastenvahtina. Kyllästytti olla yksin iltaisin. Kävin autokoulua ja olin epätoivoisen huono siinä. Tutustuin Jonnaan. Mun on ikävä monia puolia tuosta melkein 17-vuotiaasta itsestäni. Sen kunnollisuutta ja itsearvostusta. Mutta on mussa moni asia paremmin, ja elämäni on nyt ehkä kuitenkin laadukkaampaa.