Fireworks

So, the year 2012 is history and 2013 is here. I witnessed the arrival of the year 2013 in London, at the bank of Thames, watching fireworks shot from the London Eye.

But I am not going to talk about fireworks as such. But fireworks are a happy thing, that's probably why so many people go and see them. Although, in London, the Italian girl standing in the crowd next to me and my friend really wasn't happy. She probably didn't enjoy the crowd and was wearing silly shoes. But the other people next to as who were drinking champagne seemed very happy. Maybe life should involve more champagne and less ending up places where we don't want to be.

In 2013, I would like to be happy. The last time was really happy, was around the last New Year, when I was in Wales. But to be honest, 2012 was pretty rubbish. Mostly because I was unable to really enjoy anything. A lot of exciting things did happen: I graduated, went to Alaska, travelled around Scotland and started a new degree. But I wasn't able to feel excited about anything the way I know I used to be excited about things. I would like to be as happy as little kids when they run around and laugh. Just because I am not a child anymore, doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel sincerely happy and merry.

After the autumn term at university, half of which I was unable to concentrate on neither studying or social life, all I really needed was a break. I had had enough health problems, and I needed to find a way to enjoy life again. I started my holiday by pretty much (without really meaning to) sleeping through Christmas. I had been so tired without realising it. I had been on medication that made me extremely tired and I had been really stressed about whether I would be able to hand in my assignments. Sleep was definitely something I needed.

By the New Year I had a bit more energy and spent a couple of days wandering around London with one of my best friends. We had cheap chicken burgers for breakfast every morning and Chinese take away and pizza for dinner. We exploited our Oyster card by travelling around London on the underground, overground and buses. I bought police box shaped salt and pepper shakers at midnight. I tasted some bubble tea in Chinatown. It was like a non-milky milkshake with some slimy balls in it.

Today I had some red curry in a Glaswegian Thai restaurant. I like spicy food and would like to be able  to eat it. I also bought lipstick. I would like to be able to be brave enough to wear make-up more. I want to believe that if I do more things that I find fascinating, exciting and generally enjoyable, I will get more out of life. Although the massive joylessness of 2012 was partly or mostly due to other reasons, such as, depression, synthetic hormones, worries, generic health problems and loneliness, I would like to think that there are ways I can improve things this year.

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life this year. I am not sure if I am ready. But I feel better than I have felt for about a year. And that is a good sign.

Here is a music video about how even if you feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, you can still find the spark in you and open the door that leads you on the perfect road.

Yes, I do love Katy Perry and refer to her as my "favourite hottie" when I am really tired and have drank too much Irn Bru, but still the message of this song is pretty amazing. It gives me hope.

The sea turned violent

I haven't been writing recently due to a mixture of reasons. Real life has not been as amazing this autumn as I thought it would be and I was hoping that something wonderful would happen so that I could write about it, instead of having to write about bras or to write something that will be completely contradictory to my previous post. There are other reasons as well, one of them being that I have finally experienced the mysterious migraines – I used to wonder what they were like when I was little and heard about them the first time. They sounded so adult like back then. Now after falling totally behind with my studies due to a two-week long, intense experience of them I feel no need to deepen my empirical knowledge about them.

I am not quite sure what I hoped to achieve this autumn but I feel like my life has not been as exciting as I hoped it would be. I went to uni, I went to work, I ate, I took D vitamin tablets, I slept. I carried on doing the same things, everyday, as well as I could while life kept throwing other emotional and physical challenges on my way. Sometimes I felt tired and lonely. I had “too much” uni work to do, and hadn't managed to make new friends when the old ones had left the town. Sometimes, but more and more rarely, I found an evening or a lunch time to meet up with an old friend. I kept dreaming about holidays when I wouldn't have to do all the everyday life things and I would have energy to do enjoyable things.

But life is hard and everyone seems quite unhappy. Most of the conversations I have involve people complaining about work, weather, life, politics, relationships, people in general or about anything really. Why is it so difficult for us to be happy? Is being happy something too childish for us? Kids are happy, but when we grow up we have to be all responsible and there is no space for happiness, we just need to worry about things.

I do all this myself as well. A lot of the time I am not really happy. I complain a lot. And I worry. I would like to know how to be happy. I would like to write blog posts about how to be happy. But right now I have no idea. I have faint memories of once, a long time ago, sitting on my bed in the middle of the night, listening to songs about marshmallows. I remember being happy back then.

I talked about this to a friend, who pointed out one thing about seeking happiness. When people discover something that will make them happy, and decide to act on it to reach out for it, there is normally a large group of unhappy people – silently or vocally – judging them.

The reason of this blog post is not to make everyone depressed about all the unhappiness in the world, although I am very distressed about it at the moment. I might get over this and discover little happy things, such as wrist warmers*, and start blogging about them again. This post probably has no other meaning but to make people aware of the fact that they should try and enjoy even the little things in life that might seem meaningless (like woolly socks) more and take care of each other even if they feel that they are too busy. Because if they feel too busy, they are probably not too busy. Have a tea break with that person you are always too busy to talk to.

*My hands and feet have never been this cold before. I got rid of migraines but the side-effect of these pills is that my already bad peripheral circulation is getting even worse.

Same place, new adventures

Because of summer I spent less time at my computer writing blog posts and a lot more time finishing my studies, carrying boxes, graduating, swimming in lakes, flying and carrying buckets. Therefore it is time for a little update of what is going on in my life, mostly to let you know that I have not abandoned this blog.

I graduated in July. Tomorrow I will have the first lecture of my masters course. 
It's at the same university.

Finally got my MA in Archaeology.

After my graduation I could have gone anywhere. Or at least that's what the university's advertisement posters said. But I felt no particular need to go anywhere else. No other place seemed to be calling me to move there. So I stayed in the Granite City.

But many things changed without me having to go anywhere.

The only move I made, was moving my possessions to another flat on the other side of the city. Now I live close to the supermarket I like, and my room has orange walls.

And my plan for this year is to make the most out of this year - not despite the fact that I am still in the same city but because I am here. I can discover new things to do in here. These things involve boring grown-up things like buying carrots so that I can cook more often, and buying trousers so that I can join a gym.

I am also looking forward to making new friends because obviously the fact that my year graduated means that several people I am friends with have now left and gone to look for new adventures somewhere else. This means that I should carry on going to social events and see people and not just stay at home lying on the sofa. Which I cannot even do because I don't have a sofa at my new place. (I will be happy to accept your invitations to come and lie on your sofas.)

Exploring another corner of world: Ancorage, AK.

The most important new challenge this year however will be to focus on my course work. The course will be on what I was most interested in during my undergraduate studies so I it should not be impossible. I will even get my own keys to our school's postgraduate study room where we have computers, a microwave and two kettles. And after this year I must have figured out what to do with my life next. By then, I might be the time to go and explore a new corner of this world.

I will keep you updated of my discoveries and ponderings of life while I try and survive this new academic year.

Surviving womanhood

There are a few sides of me that exist somewhere inside me, and only wake up when they are threatened somehow. One of these sides is my Finnishness. If someone mentions something false or offensive about my nationality (for instance, calls me Scandinavian) or if there happens to be a Finland – Sweden ice hockey match on, I suddenly feel very Finnish.

But today I am not going to talk about ice hockey or even Finland. The Finland post will have to wait until the summer so that I can offer you appropriate pictures with the post to help you understand the essence of Finnishness.

Today I am going to talk about something that used to make me want to throw up. But now it feels like an appropriate topic to talk about because it covers some things that people just don't talk about. Or if they do, they do so whispering. But today I am going to blog about it and even attach some colourful pictures. If this topic makes you uncomfortable, feel free not to read this. I promise to try and write about something less socially acceptable the next time.

I have just finished tidying a drawer that contains things that are sold in shops under the label “feminine care”. Therefore, I feel suitably inspired to write about what it is like to be a female. If you for some reason are under an assumption that all girls do in bathrooms is to powder their noses or take rose-scented bubble baths – and you wish to maintain this picture – stop reading this post now.

Prime Beauty Blog

The reason why I needed to tidy the drawer was that I had bought a small sauce pan last week and I needed to fit it in it. The drawer was full of packets of sanitary pads, tampons, pantyliners, hair removal mousses, bras and cotton pads. Pretty much all things that I used to hate as a teenager. Being a girl sucked.

Becoming a woman was an exciting idea when I was 12, but after that I had to face the reality. The boobs did not grow as fast as I hoped they would. Bras were uncomfortable but if you did not wear them you would be laughed at in the changing room for PE class. Then the periods started and instead of them making me feel like a woman (because obviously the fact that I could get babies meant that I was a grown-up) they made me feel like a baby because I had to walk around wearing something that was practically a nappy for adults.

Diapercoupons

And to make it all even worse I was getting hairier. The beautiful, smooth and soft picture portrayed of women in media was clearly saying that it is unacceptable for women to be hairy. I panicked and thought that I would never get a boyfriend if I didn't start shaving my legs and armpits. And man, that was painful, uncomfortable and expensive. And turned out I didn't even want a boyfriend.

But after surviving all that, I am still in one piece and still a female. I have just discovered alternative ways to express my gender identity and to cope with all of the physical complications that come with this gender. And I have noticed that being a woman is not such a bad thing after all.

I have discovered that I do not have to paint my face on every morning and look identical to everyone else.

That realisation also helped with the hairiness issue, and I stopped worrying about it so much. Now I only practise magical feminine hair-removing because I wish to be less hairy, not because I think someone would like me more if I was. And also an epilator scares me a lot less than blades do, and using one means that I don't have to waste all of my money on stupid mousses and wax.

The bra issue was solved when a wonderful friend of mine dragged me to Bravissimo where they fitted me into a bra that actually fits. Turned out that my logic “they are only meant to cover my boobs” - had failed. The problem with the new bras was that they only appeared to be making see-through bras in my size. But I do actually prefer that over the old bras that didn't fit. Bras are amazing when they are the right size.

The newest discovery however is that I don't actually need the uncomfortable nappies pads and tampons. Which is exactly why I took them out of the drawer to make space for the pan. If anyone has use for them, I am happy to donate them to someone.

The reason for this is that I have finally purchased myself a mooncup! And the pan is there to help me clean it. And they are all I need! Originally, I bought the mooncup to save money. But now I have actually realised how much more comfortable it is compared to pads and tampons. This is comparable to the whole “Oh, this is what bras are meant to feel like!” -sensation. It is unnoticeable and I can do anything wearing it.

Lunette

Now the only thing I don't understand is why I didn't buy one before. I've known about these things for at least five years. It seemed more like a weird green-hippie thing back then though. And I didn't actually know anyone who had one. Which is partly why I wrote this blog post. If you are a person who has periods, this sort of a little thing will make them so much more easier to cope with. You can even go crazy and buy a coloured one. And there are glittery ones too.

So there you go. I hope this post did not traumatise you too much. But these are things that most women have to handle everyday. And we've been hiding them for too long. It should be acceptable to mention these without someone getting a heart attack or getting sent out of the village. I might blog more about these things, I might not. But don't worry, the next post will be about something less controversial.

About travelling

 I'm sitting on a train, on my way to Cardiff.

People's reactions have been rather interesting when I've told them that I was about to go to Cardiff.

Example conversation 1:

“So are you going home tomorrow?”
“No, I'm going to Cardiff.”

“CARDIFF? Do you have a friend there?”
“No, I'm going alone. Just visiting Cardiff.”

(seemingly unsurely of whether it was a joke or not:) “...Fair enough.”

Example conversation 2:

“I'm going to Cardiff.”
“Why?!”
“Well, I've never been to Wales.”
“Well most people live quite happily without ever being to Wales.”

So in this blog post I'm going to talk about travelling. And how it's good for you.

Cardiff.

I ended up booking the tickets to Cardiff after watching Torchwood, Doctor Who and Gavin & Stacey. I thought that going to Wales was an excellent idea. My flatmate pointed out that I could go to Wales. Indeed, I had never been to Wales and I had just handed in my dissertation and I technically had a holiday.

So I did some research of how to get there. Unfortunately the Megabus website had once again collapsed (resembling the way their buses normally break down when you're on them), and Ryanair had stopped flying from Aberdeen to Dublin, so I couldn't fly to Ireland and get a ferry across to Wales. Thus, I booked train tickets through 4 different train companies, and here I am. - I even managed to change a train in Birmingham, although my train was late. It was very exciting: I run around the station panicking that I would miss my connection and would need to spend a night in a McDonald's, until I realised that my connecting train would leave from the same platform the previous train arrived at.

It didn't even occur to me to ask someone to come with me. I wouldn't mind company, I really wouldn't (unless, of course, it was someone very annoying with very different ideas of what travelling is about), but during the holidays most people have plans and the rest probably wouldn't fancy a spontaneous trip to Cardiff.

Last year, I did manage to convince a friend to go travelling with me. It took her a few days to decide on, whether she wanted to come or not. We ended up going to Spain, which was never on the list of places I wanted to visit. But since I had never been to Spain, I figured why not, I should give the place a chance.

Spanish palm trees.

Travelling alone is alright, and it has many benefits: you get to decide what you want to do, and when and how you want to do it. You don't have to visit all the boring tourist attractions or walk around all the boutiques if you don't feel like it. You don't have to carry anyone else's stuff, let them take pictures of you or listen to them complain about something you don't care about. The down sides are that you will have no one to talk about the trip with later and the only person who knows the inside jokes concerning this trip is you, and you will become even weirder.

Why should you go and see places then? Well it's true that all the same chains are everywhere. As I learned watching Torchwood and Gavin & Stacey, Cardiff will have McDonald's, Boots and Tiger Tiger just the same as Aberdeen. But the town is different! I will probably get lost again! But I'm prepared – I draw myself a map.

My map.

When I went to Anchorage I hadn't done that, but fortunately they gave me a map at the hostel so that I could pay, as I didn't have enough cash either. I then managed to find a cash machine, which inconveniently was a drive-in ATM with a sprinkler next to it. It took some planning to choose the right moment to approach it without getting wet in the process. Turned out the machine was out of notes. But I didn't get wet and I had a map.

Drive-in ATM with a  sprinkler challenge.

What I'm trying to say is, that by leaving home once in a while, you will see and experience things that you otherwise wouldn't. And after your adventure you will get to come back home with many more stories to tell and remember. Travelling is never complete waste of time. Even bad trips having something positive about them. If nothing else, they made you more patient and to appreciate all that you have at home.

Let's see how this Wales trip goes.